1 Day left

1 day left
Today was a great day. I took the kids one by one and gave them their gifts. The moments were special and I'll treasure them forever. The kids LOVED everything. They thanked me. I held it together. I didn't cry. I got choked up a few times but I told them it wasn't a goodbye gift but an end to the everyday. I told them I'll still see them tons. They seemed to get it. Even the youngest. They expressed knowing that we will see each other often.
My family is taking me out tomorrow mb,db and the kids. They wont tell me where. They said it is a surprise. The kids also said they have a surprise for me. I HAVE no idea what it is. I dont love surprises but, Im rolling with it.
I feel surprisingly ok tonight. I am really happy with the job Ive done. My kids will be ok cause they know I love them. I know they know it. I know they know ill be in their lives. I know they know they can call me anytime. These things make it easier. I feel at peace with it tonight.

Im excited about our dinner and at first I was dreading it. But now i feel like we do deserve to celebrate something wonderful.
A life long friendship and almost 16 years of devotion to them. I have come a long way since just 10 days ago. I am not un realistic. I know that there will be more ups and downs in my feelings but today I feel ok and that is something.! :)

4 Days to go

4 days to go.. I had a bad day yesterday.
Well last night I was very sad crying and it was a very emotional night. I had a great group of nanny friends that helped me a lot...
It made me feel better. I had a good day today. Work was good and I took M out to dinner.
I started cleaning out my car of all the kids stuff!! I want to make sure they have all their things.
I am feeling ready yet it is hard. I know I'll see them a lot. I can see myself hanging out with them and taking them places and it gives me comfort.
I want to give them their things this week .I am excited about it but worried that it will make me sad. Today I feel ready for this. I don't know how it will be tomorrow it is one of the those things your feelings change day to day.we shall see how it goes the rest of the week.

Jenn's Countdown

Two weeks left..........
I have two weeks left until the end of my time with my nanny family. I have been with my "family" for almost 16 years. I have watched them grow. I have helped raise them. I love them. They are family. This summer my charges will be 8,12 and 16. I did what I wanted to get them through to school. I even got to stay longer than that.
Its heart wrenching. It’s crying all the time. But other days feeling ok. It’s knowing because we are so close that they will forever be in my life. Does it make it easier? Ill let you know in two weeks.. Scratch that.
I probably won’t know for a few weeks after that, maybe months.
I feel so many different things it is hard to put down in words.
Sad, hurt, accomplishment, love, heartache, happy, ugh the list goes on and on.
I bought gifts. Personalized frames for the boys and a necklace for M. She wears half I wear the other. I haven't given them to the kids yet.
My MB and I have yet to really say anything to each other about it. Funny. and strange. I think it is easier for us both not to talk about it.
Today I've said enough time to just stop,till next time.