You Love Them for a Lifetime

Today is August 5, 2017.

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, there are no clouds in the sky and there’s a gentle breeze blowing through the air. I’m sitting on the porch with my coffee thinking of all I have to be grateful for ….and then I feel it.  I feel his presence with me.
My mind goes back to another beautiful morning in June.
Terry was at the lake. I came back from my walk, looked at my phone and saw I had a text from my former boss, still my friend, Lisa. I texted her back and said I would call her in a few, she texted me back and said she couldn’t talk but she would call me soon. I texted her back ( don’t you love this age of technology?) and said I had a coaching call at 9 so I only had a small window of time.

I was so happy that morning. I had big plans for my day and I was ready  to conquer the world after getting in 4 laps around the subdivision .......and then the phone rang.
It was Terry. He said “Honey, I have some really bad news” Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next. His voice cracked and he could barely say the words “Casey was killed in a bike race this weekend”…………..and the world started to spin, and my heart started to race and everything started to close in. I couldn’t find words. I had to know more….and I had to be alone and quiet.
He went on ….”Lisa is on her way down to be with you because she doesn’t want you to be alone”
We hung up, I looked online at the paper and there was the story. I looked on Facebook and there were the postings on his page. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine a world without Casey in it.
Casey (29) was my youngest charge in the first family that I nannied for. I was with him the first 6 years of his life and even after the job ended he was a ring bearer in my wedding and still a very important part of my life.Terry and I still saw him on a regular basis until he became a teenager.
 I hadn’t seen him in awhile  but we were Facebook friends and I kept in touch, we chatted a couple of times a year and I kept up with all his stories of cycling and his life with his soulmate Maria.
Molly was his sister and I usually never said just Molly, it was always Molly and Casey. They were as close as a brother and sister could be. Always rooting for each other, always supporting each other where ever they went, what ever they did.

I called Lisa and asked her not to come. I wanted to be alone. (I’m funny like that) I needed to process this loss. I spent my day looking at Facebook postings from all the people who loved and adored Casey.
He was so kind, he was such a gentlemen, he was always doing something for someone else, he was kind, he was patient, he was modest….he was so loved and he is so missed.
I went through pictures and thought about all the funny stories I had about him in my head and I cried a river of tears.
It’s been 6 weeks now and I still cry every day. It’s still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about every night. When you are a nanny, you love and care for someone else’s child.
You only have them for a season but you love them for a lifetime.
One of the things that I am most proud of in my career as a nanny is that I developed a course called Nanny Transitions where I help support and guide nannies through the pain of leaving a family.
Leaving Molly and Casey was why I developed this course. It was so painful to leave them after 8 years that I didn’t know how to deal with my grief. As I worked through it all I developed a workshop to help other nannies....it is my labor of love to my industry……but nothing ever prepared me for this.
Sometimes I struggle with my grief and I feel guilty about grieving or I feel like I don’t have the right to grieve….but my nanny’s heart tells me I do.
As a nanny, I have always tried to reach out and support and encourage nannies who are going through hard times but of all the thousands of nannies that I know, only one has reached out to me to see how I am, to see how I am doing and that makes this hurt even more.
I put a post on Facebook and lots of people posted and supported me. It gave me hope that I would have support through this, but a few days after this happened I posted on facebook about my hurting heart and even nannies who knew of my loss, asked me why I was sad. It was so painful that I deleted the post. It made the pain hurt, even more, to think that the only people I thought could understand my grief……………….didn’t.

So…I’m trying so hard here, to deal with the grief of losing this man who was not my son. I didn’t know him well as a man, but as a child, as a curly red-haired boy I knew him so well and loved him so much and you don’t just stop loving them when the job is over. There is no expiration date on love.

I’m grateful for my husband’s love and support through this time. He knows me so well and he sees how much I am hurting. He spends extra time with me and understands that his very independent wife can’t be alone right now.
I’m moving slowly through this grief and I know it will be here for a long time… I know it will change and shift and the day will come when I don’t wake up crying.
I also know that grief has its own timetable.
I don’t understand why Casey had to go but I will learn the lessons of his life. Casey was an Eagle Scout and he lived by the Scout Law. I will try to do the same. It is the best way to honor him.
I carry him with me now and sometimes in the quiet moments of a gentle breeze  I feel him with me and I know that he is at peace. I hope I always do.
Ride on Casey…..you are forever in my heart.
Caseys family has now formed a non-profit organization in his memory.
I hope you will visit and consider supporting https://www.belikecasey.org/

Every New Beginning Starts With an Ending

I haven’t been able to change my Facebook status, it’s just too hard to see it staring me in the face, but after 3 months short of 31 years, I am officially retired.
I spent just 3 months short of 22 years with the same family. I had no idea in 1984 that this career was going to be so fulfilling, so life changing and so much fun.
If I had to sum it up in 2 words I would say “Incredibly Blessed”
I had not 1 but 2 great families.
My first nanny family I stayed with for 8 years and when the children got to be old enough not to need a nanny anymore, I moved on to my next family.
Leaving my first family was my inspiration for Nanny Transitions. My nanny training had prepared me for every kind of situation, every kind of emergency, every age group, every social situation but nothing prepared me for leaving a family with 2 kids that owned a piece of my heart and soul. As I went through that very difficult transition I learned so much about myself, about life and about how as nannies we grieve the loss of those children in our lives just as we grieve any kind of death or loss.

I realized that if this transition was this hard for me, it had to be equally hard for other nannies so I developed a workshop to help nannies know the signs a job is ending, to help the parents prepare the children and support them through the transition and most importantly how to take good care of yourself as you go through this transition.

When you stay with a family for over 20 years the difference is that you stay “through the transitions” My charges transitioned from me working 5 days a week, to 4 days a week to

3 days a week, to not working in the summer, to 2 days a week and finally 1 day a week.
When my youngest charge got her drivers license last year it was always understood that it would be my last year with this family but then those years went by way too fast and we discussed that maybe I would do every other week this year.
My husband and I are starting a new chapter in our lives and I made the very difficult decision a few weeks ago not to return to work.
I think my nanny family was a little shocked but my decision surprised even me. I am very at peace with this decision because about 6 years into this job, my boss made me a promise, she promised me that she would never take her children out of my life. If you are a nanny, you know what an incredible promise that is for an employer to make concerning their children, and I could never thank her enough for this gift.
After I had been with this family for about 10 years I realized one day that even though this job would end one day, our relationship was going to last forever. We had been through all kinds of life experiences, good, bad, happy, sad and we always found a way to work through our issues so that everyone felt like they got some of what they wanted.
I will never forget the night that my employers interviewed me, we had discussed that I would be willing to do Household management, errands etc and the mom turned to her husband, and she said “Honey…I’m going to get a wife!”
Great nanny /employer relationships are very much like a successful marriage. They require all those key elements, of mutual respect, good communication, willingness to go the extra mile, give and take and the ability to know that you can work through things together.
I could not have asked for a better family, and they are my forever family. That will never change.

Nanny Transitions helped me prepare for this major change in my life.
At one point when I was in a bit of denial, I realized that it was time to take the advice that I give to nannies on a daily basis.
Trust your gut, watch for the signs, and most importantly remember that Love looks forward……………….always.

One day as I struggled with my decision….it occurred to me that you can’t have a new beginning without an ending. I had to let go of what was to move on to what will be.
My heart is open to what comes next. Nanny Transitions will certainly continue to be an important part of my life.
Terry and I are making big changes in our life this year but I believe with all my heart
“The best is yet to come”

Glenda

Nanny Transitions INA Scholarship Information

Here are the guidelines for the Nanny Transitions INA Conference Scholarship.

In order to qualify for the Nanny Transitions INA Conference Scholarship, you must meet the following qualifications.

You must be working as a nanny a minimum of 24 hours a week.                    

(If you are a nanny in transition, looking for a new position, please let us know)

*You must be a member of INA as of February 10, 2015.

You must go to the Nanny Transitions page on Facebook and like the page.
*If we choose your essay and you have not liked the page you will be eliminated.

 * By submitting this essay you are committing to attend the 2015 INA Annual Conference.

INA Board of Directors, conference speakers and workshop presenters, conference sponsors who receive complimentary registration, the 2014 and 2015 INA Nanny of the Year award recipients are not eligible for this prize.

Previous scholarship winners are not eligible.

To Apply:   Submit an essay on one of the following topics:

 1. What would you say to someone if they said "Oh, you babysit for a living?"

2.  What was the most valuable advice anyone ever gave you and how has it impacted you personally and professionally?

 3.  What do you expect to take away from conference this year?

4.  If your present Nanny job ended suddenly and without warning, would you handle it on your own or seek advice and/or help from someone else, and why?

            Your essay must be at minimum 500-1,000 words.    (No more than 1,000 and, no less than 500)

 Do not include information in your essay that would identify you, such as the name of your city. We would like to keep the submissions as anonymous as possible.

       Essay must be submitted between January 26 and February 7, 2015 and will be announced on February 10, 2015.

    Use spell check and count your words.
    Recipient will be chosen by content and presentation of essay.

 There will be 1 Scholarship awarded.
 This scholarship can be used by a new conference attendee
or a previous conference attendee.
 It can NOT be gifted to someone.

 Scholarship recipients will be announced on the Nanny Transitions blog and  Facebook page and notified via phone and/or email on Monday, February 10,  2015.
 You will have 24 hours to respond and if you do not respond, we will choose another recipient.

Essay submissions should be sent to: Nannytransitions@gmail.com

If you have any questions, feel free to email us your questions
before you submit your essay.

nannytransitions@gmail.com

Please note: Nannytransitions email is not monitored by Glenda or Susan during the time of the essay scholarship. Glenda’s trusted and long time friend and colleague, Gael Ann Dow (professional nanny over 25 year) changes the password and graciously monitors the email, removes identifying information from the essays and sends them to our personal email. This keeps the submissions completely anonymous.

               By submitting this essay you are committing to attending the 2015 INA Conference.

INA 30th Annual Conference

April 23-26, 2015
Cancun, Mexico

- See more at

http://www.nanny.org/annual-conference/2015-ina-annual-conference

      You understand that you are responsible for your transportation to and from the conference, your hotel room and any other expenses incurred at the 2014 INA Conference.

     You have the necessary travel documents to travel outside of the USA.

    You have discussed this with your employers and they have agreed to give you the time off to attend the conference.

This scholarships is sponsored by Nanny Transitions and partially funded by a donation from Susan Fordham*
Susan Fordham is one of last years’ scholarship recipients who wanted to pay it forward and Nanny Transitions is so very grateful.

Is There a Right Way to Give Notice?

Whether a nanny works at a job full time or part time, whether she stays a year or 10 years, when the time comes for whatever reason, for her to move on, it is seldom an easy goodbye.
I don’t know the statistics I just know my experience in talking to other nannies that goodbye is such a hard thing to say.
It seems that no matter how hard we plan, no matter how we try to figure out the right way to do it, it is just so difficult.
I have talked a lot about how hard it is for nannies to be told that their job is ending but today I want to talk about nannies who choose to leave.
Sometimes nannies choose to leave because the children have grown beyond their level of expertise, sometimes they leave because they feel they have a different parenting philosophy, sometimes they make a career change, or their spouse gets transferred or they get a better job offer….there are lots of reasons nannies make the decision to leave.
More often than not the reason doesn’t matter. When a nanny leaves a family the parents usually feel rejected. Once the parents feel rejected a host of other emotions take hold and even in the best working relationship a good nanny employer relationship goes downhill very quickly.
So is there a good way to tell your nanny family you are leaving your job?
Most nannies out of a sense of loyalty to their employers and knowing how much their employers count on them try to give their employers as much notice as possible, but oftentimes it backfires.
A nanny decides to leave her job for whatever reason and she goes to her employer and gives them 6 weeks notice. The nanny does this because she wants to help the parents with the transition to a new caregiver. In a perfect world the nanny and the parent sit down and talk about how they might go about finding a new caregiver. The nanny might offer ideas, suggestions, agency names or even names of other nannies that might be available and together they come up with a plan. The nanny might suggest that they bring the new caregiver in for a 1 or 2 week part time overlap so that they can transition together.
The parents thank the nanny for her honesty and her help and tell her they will write her a beautiful letter of reference and work as a team to make the transition as smooth as possible. They might even say something like “We hope you will still be part of little Susie’s life and come back and visit and maybe even babysit on occasion”
I said a perfect world, right?
Well unfortunately we don’t live in a perfect world and when a nanny tells her employers that she is leaving, the parents hear one thing. No matter what you say the parents hear “I have decided that I no longer want to be part of your child’s life” The parents feel rejected. They feel that you have rejected them and their child and this elicits some very strong emotions. Rejection can trigger pain from other times of being rejected, even if you try not to feel hurt or angry, rejection triggers some very deep emotions. The first thing the parents do when they feel these deep emotions are to go in protective mode for their child. More often than not their reaction is not rational. Their reaction is to get you away from their child as quickly as possible so that you can’t inflict anymore pain.
At a time when you might be expecting an employer to thank you for helping care for their children, you instead find yourself unemployed…and even though unemployment laws differ from state to state, usually once you give notice, you have quit so you are not eligible for unemployment benefits and chances are that the parents will challenge it.
So….what’s a nanny to do?
The very best protection you can have in your job is to never work without a work agreement. A work agreement that very clearly defines the protocol for giving notice by either party. A work agreement may or may not hold up in a court of law but it is a trust agreement between two parties that states “This is what we agree to do”
In your work agreement a fair notice is anywhere from 2-6 weeks but the work agreement should state what happens if either party doesn’t give the proper notice. You may also think about a clause that states if the nanny or family find job/care in that time, nanny will be paid for the duration of her agreement.  You may also want to agree upon a severance agreement if you have been with the family long term. When you are terminated for cause, severance is not usually paid.  For more details on work agreements I suggest you go Regarding Nannies.com and read their series by Kellie Geres : Anatomy of a Work Agreement

Other things that a nanny can do is to ask for a yearly review and ask her employers for a written evaluation that she can keep in her portfolio.
The best thing that you can do is to keep the lines of communication open with your employers. Always have your resume up to date, some money in the bank and a back up plan especially if you know that you will be giving notice on your job.
Just know that goodbyes are never easy, especially when they are initiated by you.When giving notice on your job ends in a negative way, there is only so much you can do. You can try to make your employer understand that this is not personal, but they are not usually in an understanding frame of mind.
As always the best thing you can do is stay on the high road. Don’t badmouth your former employers in job interviews or on message boards and don’t let it stop you from being happy about the positive changes that are coming in your future.

My Biggest Challenge and How Nanny Transitions Helped Me by Lisa Willis

Here is the fourth in our series of the top 5 Scholarship Essays.
This one is by Lisa Willis.
She answers these 2 questions:


What has been your biggest challenge as you have gone through your job transition?

What has Nanny Transitions help you learn from it?

I think the biggest challenge has been to accept the change in circumstance in my life and nurture

myself. As a nanny I’ve always put others first without thinking about myself. Last year was full of

surprises; it’s been an emotional rollercoaster ride to say the least. In June I will be retiring as a nanny

due to an impending disability.

 I’m retiring sadly but not by choice. I was diagnosed with a hereditary degenerative eye disease over

11 years ago. My eye sight was stable for 10 years and Jan.2013 was the first sign of change and on May

1st of 2013 I was told I could no longer drive. My peripheral vision classifies me as legally blind but my

central vision in my left eye seems to be holding on for now. My current employers refused to let me

quit. I’m forever thankful for their trust in me and wanting to keep me on board for as long as possible.

We had to quickly brainstorm as you know driving is a major part of a nanny’s role. My awesome

husband quickly jumped in and became our “chauffer” and is now running his company at home (mostly

from our car, when we’re at play dates, school and other activities). My current family and I have come

to terms with the fact that our employment will end June 2014 due to my need to prepare and get ready

for what lays ahead. I won’t lie and say it’s been easy, at times I’m scared but I see it only as a change in

circumstances. I’m blessed to have the greatest husband on earth and I’m surrounded by an awesome

support team.

One of my main concerns is the impact this change will have on my charges. I have been with them for

3 ½ years. The family will be relocating as well, so they will have many changes happening at the same

time in June.

Nanny Transitions has been an amazing resource as no one knows what a nanny deals with as much

as another nanny. I was able to vent my worries about the kids and their future. Glenda gave me so

many good suggestions so many I couldn’t write them all down fast enough as we spoke on the phone.

She had so many great ideas for me to implement. Sharing and voicing my concerns and fears out loud

helped me to analyze and put into perspective what I can and can’t change or control. This really woke

me up to the fact that I need to make these last few months special and memorable for the kids. I feel

it’s also helped me be more present and intentional with everything I do and say with the kids on a daily

Glenda emailed me many resources to read and ponder on. She has a big heart and just talking with her

you can feel the love and passion she has for her fellow nannies or the Nanny Sisterhood as some call us.

I’ve been a nanny for fifteen wonderful years and will cherish all the memories for many years to come.

I’m learning to take it one day at a time.

Motivation by Katherine (Katie) Dallmeyer

Here is another one of the INA Scholarship submissions. This one is also about Motivation.

INA Scholarship Essay - Motivation by Katie( Katherine) Dallmeyer

He can hear the door opening. The squeak of the hinges and the sound of the latch have captured his attention. His movement pauses. Carefully he concentrates on the low step shuffle dance. The toy that had been so assiduously chewed falls to the side, dampening his cheek on the way down. A voice sounds. It is muffled in the way sounds can only be before the sun has risen.  Could it be…?

“Good morning” and now he knows. Tiny arms wave, legs kick, and he accidentally pokes his own eye. He does not mind though. He knows who is here.

~~

Getting out of a warm bed into the chilly air is always hard, especially if the sun has not even bothered to show his bright countenance yet. It is an even more unwelcome task to scrape the foot of snow that unexpectedly fell overnight off of the car while shivering in sub-zero temperatures. Traffic will be terrible. It may be winter for half the year here, but that will never stop people from forgetting how to drive in inclement weather. Longing thoughts of soft sheets and a warm comforter consume her mind.

She is running late of course. Has there ever been a time breakfast was eaten before the drive? Her stomach grumbles, and she eyes the toasted bagel slowly freezing on the passenger seat. The pros and cons of eating with fingers she can’t feel versus leaving the gloves on and attempting a reheat at work are carefully weighed. Attention is turned back to the road; fingers are truly lovely appendages after all.

Sitting in traffic allows for some last minute planning of the day. A promising nap yesterday points to good moods for a visit to the museum today. A full, exciting day will then hopefully lead to more slumber, giving her the chance to do classwork. Education is important. There is always something new to learn, something new to discover. She finds it on her own through research and school work, and finds it too through his eyes.

This drive to know all shapes how her life is lived. She taps her fingers against the slowly warming steering wheel and remembers a discussion of parenting styles. Nanny friends are the best. Who else would share her zeal and return it with a constructive chit-chat? Feeling more awake at last, she downs the last sip of her coffee and pulls into her regular parking spot. Thank you, God, for heated garages.

The hinges creak. Why is this door so loud? She tries to shut it gently, but a decisive click sounds as the latch catches. Please do not let the noise wake him up if he is still abed! She whispers her greetings to her boss, just in case, and creeps into the main rooms.

Awake, and not by her doing!

“Good morning.”

The sound of her voice produces a volley of movement. He’s excited. His heels bang on the floor, and his bright eyes seek her out. A gummy smile that reveals two tiny, perfect white teeth greet her. He rolls and reaches out in an effort to get closer. She sits.

“Ahh! Ah!”

He is lifted into familiar arms. His hands slap her face, his toes dig into her thighs, and drooly kisses are pressed to her cheek. A wave of love flows through her. He feels it too, feels it and sends a rebounding surge. This is it. This feeling, this moment, the hundreds of moments that have led to it and the hundreds more that will follow. This is her motivation.

How Do You Say Adieux in Nanny?

One way to deal with the emotions of leaving a family is to put your thoughts and feelings on paper. For those of you who don't enjoy writing I wanted to share with you another beautiful blog post about saying goodbye.If you are a nanny in transition that needs support, we have a wonderful group of nannies in transition that support each other through this process. If you are a nanny in transition, email nannytransitions(at)gmail(dot)come for more information.

Thank you Keyanna for sharing your heart with us today.

How Do You Say Adieux in Nanny?by Keyanna

For over a month I have been planning to post a blog about how I said goodbye to 4 of the most important people in my world. Scott & Kara- my employers and their amazing sons Syler & Jonah.As it turns out we survived the most emotional week together and no one even had to say goodbye!Kara and I share an affinity for love of a plan, organization, and the people that make these things possible in our collective world. Colonial Moving Van Lines is NOT on the list of those people. To make a very long, stressful, ridiculous story short- this moving company never showed up to move my Bugs and their parents across the country.Yes. You read that right. They just never arrived to pack, load, and ship the belongings of 4 people that paid them to do just that.I'm not good at finding the silver lining in things. I'm just too logical for that. I really need the lining to be pink if it's going to grab my attention... But this time around it found me.The original plan had the boys landing in California right about now to meet up with their Mom and Dad. The amended plan has all 4 of them still here in Columbia and this means that I get 5 extra days to figure out how to say goodbye. I will be hanging out with the Bugs a little bit each day next week while also picking up substantial part-time hours at GAP. (Which has always been my plan until I start FT with my new charges... They're infant twins and you will meet them later!)I have been trying to prepare myself to somehow part ways with the two little guys that I spend at least 45 hours a week with. We are the best of friends, if not by choice then by circumstance; although I like to think that given the option of Nannies the boys would pick me!As of late Jonah has not been pleased to see me at 8 AM, mostly because I always take his binky away and in his eyes, that's like high treason or something. I comforted myself by saying that maybe our separation would be easier with his being resistant to me recently, but by the afternoon he was snuggling and giving hugs and kisses- so that theory went out the window!So... how does a Nanny say goodbye?

Go to Keyanna's Blog to read the rest of her story.

Guest Blogger on Nanny Biz Reviews

I was honored to be a guest blogger on Nanny Biz Reviews.

Preparing for Transitioning to School by Glenda Propst

Nannies go through all kinds of transitions at different stages of their jobs.

The longer you stay with a family the more transitions you go through.

One of the biggest transitions a nanny and a parent go through is when the children go to school.

Even if a nanny works full time most children do go to some kind of structured pre- school to prepare them for Kindergarten.

No matter how well your kids do with short separations, when it comes to that harsh reality of being away from you for a full day sometimes it is a bigger adjustment than you were expecting it would be.

Here are some tips to help your child through this transition.

1.      If you are a nanny, you need to talk with your employer about the upcoming changes. You need to discuss positive ways to implement these changes into all of your lives and be sure that you present a united front.

2.    Prepare children for what will be happening. Always talk about this change in a positive way but be sure they understand that he/she will be in school for a longer period of time.

3.    Start easing the child into the morning routines a week or two before school starts. Think about what time your child needs to be in bed each night and if they have been staying up late during the summer, discuss with the parents about making their bed time earlier so that the changes are gradual. The same with the morning, if they have been sleeping until 10 AM, start getting them up at 9, and then 8:30 and so on until they adjust to getting up at the time they have to get up for school. Anything you can do to make changes early will help so that there are not so many changes when school finally begins.

4.    There is usually a “meet the teacher” before the first day of school. Discuss with the parents who will be taking the child to meet the teacher,whether it will be both of you, or if you will do this by yourself.
If the parents will be taking the child, you might sit down together before that visit and think about what you want to show the child at the school.
Here are some ideas:
Be sure that your child is familiar with their school and the classroom. Spend some time walking around the school so that the child knows where the office is, where the lunch room is, where the bathrooms are located and the way to get into his classroom. Also go over where you will pick them up each day or where they will go to wait for the bus. If the child is going to be walking, you might want to go over the route with them and point out things along the way that will help them know they are going the right direction.    

5.    Work with your employer to create a morning and afternoon routine. Children gain a lot of security from structure and it is very important for them to have a morning and afternoon routine so that they can know what will happen each day. (Of course there will be days when the routine gets changed but be sure to try and warn them when things might be different so that they know what to expect)

6.    Work together to create calm, peaceful mornings to set the pace for the child’s day. Try to lay out their clothes the night before so that they can get up in the morning and get dressed without having to go through the decisions about what to wear.

7.    If the child will be taking a lunch to school, allow them to have some choices about what they will take and try to put together as much of their lunch as you can the night before. Establishing these routines at the beginning of the year will make it much easier to get on track.

8.    Encourage independence and always focus on the positive aspects of this big change in their life and yours. If your child has questions, or fears or worries be sure to re-assure them that there is nothing that they can’t talk to you about, and don’t laugh at their concerns. Some of the most minor things create the greatest anxiety for children.

9. If you (as the nanny) don't go to the "meet the teacher day" most parents are great about letting the teacher know about you and the importance of the role you play in the family. If for some reason this doesn't happen, be sure that you make the opportunity to introduce yourself to your child's teacher.

Here's hoping we all have a wonderful, educational school year as we watch our charges grow and learn.

Introducing Regarding Nannies

Introducing: Regarding Nannies Together with Alice Shaffer and Kellie Geres, we have created a new blog that will focus on all aspects of being a nanny. Each week we will bring you: Monday Moxie – is a roundup of nanny tidbits, news from the industry, some of our favorite websites and more. Tuesday Tip Jar – the best and most useful tips to help you in your personal and professional lives. Wednesday – Let’s Be Creative! Join The Creative Nanny as we bring you crafts, recipes and activities from guest contributors and some of our favorite websites and blogs. Table Talk Thursday – interviews with some of today’s top nannies, profiles of nanny support groups and guest writers bringing you perspectives on issues we all face. Financial Friday – The Financial Nanny brings you tips and resources for savings, spending and being financially secure. We will also have giveaways, product and book reviews, and much, much more! To kick things off we are giving away FOUR INA Memberships – one each week, starting today, July 6. The details of this give away will be released later today. Visit every day, tell your friends and become a part of the site dedicated to YOU!

5 Days

5 work days till I leave my charges of almost 16 years.

This weekend I have a lot of down time and I’m a bit scared of it.

How will it be?

Will I be sad most of it?

I do have some fun stuff planned to. I am going to see my youngest charge on Sunday at her game. That will be nice. I may invite the kids to a drive in movie to Saturday. I'm going with family. These things give me peace. I see "my kids" a lot when I'm not on work duty so I keep telling myself how special things like that will be.
The last few night I have worked late. So weird to me that I am working late, doing all the things I always do like helping M clean her room, or helping K do homework and yet they will have to take it over in 5 short days. It’s crazy. Life goes on. I think that their summer will be fun.

Camps and hanging with friends. I think the hard part for my bosses will be the fall. That's when things kick into high gear.
I have been thinking how much should I see them when I go? Should there be a limit? If I want to see them a lot will people think I’m crazy? I don’t know. I love those kids and if they get" free sitting like someone said to me I really don’t care. I’m not seeing them to give a break to the parents I’m seeing them because I love them. That's it.
5 days to go...Oh boy............

9 Days

So yesterday I said I had two weeks left on my job. I realized today that two weeks is only 10 work days. It mad me sad. I had a busy day with car issues and it helped take my mind off it until this evening.

M said to me see you tomorrow, I'll miss you.
I was thinking to myself she'll miss me?
I'll see her in less than 24 hours.
What will she do when she doesn't see me for days or weeks?
I don’t want this child to hurt. I spent the last 16 years making sure she didn't get hurt and now I’m going to be the cause of her pain. I know it is no ones fault and it is a natural end BUT it still is a fact she will hurt.
It will be because she misses me. It is terribly hard to take. In the beginning I’ll be seeing the kids about once a week or so. That will be super for them. After a bit I’ll extend it.
For now I need that for me as much as they do! Funny thing I said to one of my sisters-in-law how hard it will be and she said “Oh it will be good ….you are too attached to them." I was so angry.
Don’t tell me that!
It is the last thing I want to hear.
How would you like it if I told you that you had to stop seeing your kid’s everyday?
I didn't say it but I thought it... LOL. I know they are not my kids but my love for them is very deep and being told it's good to be ripped out of their day to day lives is the last thing I wanted to hear. Really..... I go back and forth. I know "my kids" will be alright in the end. Kids are strong. Lucky for me and them that they are not loosing me in their lives. Our relationship is just changing. That gives me some peace in it all.
9 work days left.. UGH

remember to leave a comment for Jenn or a message of support to be entered into the "Like a Second Mother" book giveaway.

Leaving a family after 16 years

My friend Jenn will be leaving her job this week. She has been with her family for 16 years. Her kids are 16, 12 and 8. Since I have been with my family almost the same amount of time she and I have a very close bond.
She has been blogging her last 10 days to help her through the sadness(thanks to Buffi for a wonderful suggestion) and she will be sharing them here starting this week.
I hope that you will all offer her some support and ideas as she goes through this transition.
I will be putting all the postings of support and encouragement into a drawing for a copy of "Like a Second Mother" and the winner will be announced Sunday June 21.

If you have never read this book, here is Joyce Farmers' review of the book that was first published in the National Association of Nannies Newsletter.

"Like A Second Mother" by Barbara Blouin"

Books Fall Open. You Fall In." Do you remember that reading program slogan? I immediately fell deep into this book, and I will tell you why. As I read each story, I put myself in that nanny's place. I experienced each of them as fully as I could, based on the facts given. For some of the narratives, that meant reading between the lines because some stories were told by the nanny's charge.This book was published as a part of the Inheritance Project, an organized effort to explore the emotional and social impact of inherited wealth. It was written as an effort to acknowledge and honor the many caregivers who unstintingly gave their love and support to the children in their care. While written about people of wealth, it nevertheless holds the joys and frustrations of nannies everywhere.Like A Second Mother is a series of interviews of employers, nannies and charges. The beginning stories are of early nanny/housekeepers from the first half of the century. Others are mixed statements from employer, nanny, and charges. The end of the book contains more stories just by nanny. Some are definitely interviews, while others are beautifully descriptive stores by gifted nanny writers.It is hard to read about the earlier nanny/housekeepers because we want our profession to advance beyond the low pay/recognition into a respected and comfortable career choice. Efforts towards this goal made by NAN, agencies and others are discussed in the Introduction.I experienced some vertigo while reading some chapters, because there was so much between the lines. I realized (from my own job experiences) how the events described by employers would appear from the nanny's perspective. One story was written entirely about how nanny fit into the employer's life. A single line about nanny getting married made me realize that nanny had a whole complete life outside of this narrative. Nanny sustained this family, and at the same time (albeit invisibly?) provided for herself emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.Common threads appear as you read along. It is disturbing to read of alcoholism, dysfunction, and abuse in wealthy families. It is difficult to glean how nanny succeeded in her work (at times, she didn't) while overcoming these obstacles. It is nearly inexplicable to read about how hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent on landscaping, only to read of the low weekly pay of the person whom those children totally depended on for their quality of life. I found myself counting the times in these stories where nanny was required to forgive and forget about class distinctions, cultural differences, and financial comparisons, in order to provide emotionally for these wealthy children.Love is the enduring theme in all these stories. While the parents shrugged off these issues, the charges struggle to reconcile the life they enjoyed "below-stairs" with nanny, versus the social life of wealth and privilege that they were expected to live "above-stairs." Charges often speak of the enjoyable warmth of the kitchen and caregivers, versus the cool reserve of parental social expectations.Nannies have "immense personal strength" but no material security, the apparent opposite of their charges. Our employers pay for our time and effort, but the love--freely given--cannot be purchased. In some of these stories by charges, they have tried to repay these invaluable gifts by honoring and caring for their caregivers during their later years.You have heard the saying that a picture is worth a thousand words. In this book, one line can equal a thousand words. It took me a long time to read this book, because I would continually have to stop on one of these lines. My heart would respond with joy or sorrow to these truths about nannies and the way we affect our charges' lives. I will share a few of these here, although most of their power is derived from the story that the statement is taken from.Nanny Ann: "Whatever you put out is what you get back." "You can change the world with being kind to people."Charge, Missy: "It feels real good to talk about her because I don't feel like I can give back enough what she gave to me."Charge, Tracy: "Nellie figured out ways to create a loving circle around her in the kitchen."Nanny Mildred: "I'm like a mother to those kids. I lived every day for them. I love 'em until death.Employer, Diana: "Susannah got a different kid of parenting for a few hours a day--a less analytical, less intellectual and maybe a more basic kind of parenting." "I know that Di loves my children totally and realistically, much in the way that a sister or grandmother would."Charge, Sylvia: "I would like to spare my kid what happens when a nanny leaves--because part of your childhood goes with her."Employer, Lois: "There was a group of kids for Holly to grow up with, and all the other children were being babysat by their babysitters. So Theresa provided Holly with a social life that was absolutely important to her. Holly made friends at the park, and they went to each other's houses all the time."When asked if she thought Holly was more attached to Theresa than to her (the mother), Lois said: "I thought she was attached to Theresa differently than she was attached to me."Nanny Catherine: "I love all three children. I measure my love for them by how much what they do and say can affect me." "The biggest drawback to this job is that nannies are not looked highly upon. With people I know, I speak up about that. But you can't really change people's opinions because they have to highly regard children in the first place in order to highly regard nannies."Nanny Patricia: "It almost saddened me to realize that Andrew would never be able to recall his own innocent moment, and that I would be the only person to tell him how tender and gentle he had been. What truly amazed me that day was a child's capacity to take an ordinary moment and make it something incredibly special."Employer, Kakie: A child's caregiver is part of your intimate life--like it or not. I think it calls for a lot of consciousness on both sides, and when you get a good fit, it can be so enriching. And when you don't get that fit, it can be so destructive."Nanny Maria: "Sometimes it was very intense: they need all your energy, and they can take it all."Employer, Wendy: "I also think it's very possible that Zoe bonded with Maria as well. Children bond to their mother and their father, so why can't they bond to mother and babysitter?"Each story in this book is worthy to be slowly absorbed on its own. The experiences of other nannies and how they handled common situations are a very important part of the networking foundation that is needed to help standardize our industry. There is definitely a need in the world today for books that present the nanny's view of the issues. Telling stories from the family's perspective can help nanny to understand both sides of the issue. This book does an outstanding job of trying to cover both of these perspectives. I would recommend this book for any nanny's library.

INA Membership Giveaway: Joint Promotion with Nanny Adventures

Since returning from the INA Conference in Dallas 3 weeks ago, my good friend Alice and I have been brainstorming about how to get the message out to nannies that we can't simply sit around lamenting about the lack of respect our profession gets. We have to be actively working to improve the image of the nanny profession and one of the most important ways to do that is to be actively involved in a professional nanny organization.

We both knew and loved the late Harriette Grant. Harriette was a Co Founder of the first and longest running support group in the United States. Association of DC Area Nannies (ADCAN). She was a founding member of INA, a board member of INA and the first INA Nanny of the Year in 1990 We will be posting her story on her June 3rd Birthday and in honor of her upcoming birthday Alice and I decided we would work in conjunction to give away an INA Membership on our blogs.

Alice has 2 blogs. Her first blog is http://www.nannyadventures.com/. This is a blog about her adventures as a nanny, helpful tools for parents and nannies as well as other items of interest.
She was also inspired by Dr. Lynne Kenney at the INA Conference to brand herself. She is launching her new blog, The Financial Nanny that is focused on helping nannies (and others) save money and invest wisely with the start of this contest.

My first blog is about nannies in transitition and how to deal with the emotions of leaving a nanny positions and other changes that happen when you stay with a family for a few years. It is called Nanny Transitions. My second blog is just for fun and it highlights my creative side as The Creative Nanny.

Starting on Friday, May 15 and running through Monday June 1, we will offer you the opportunity to win a one year INA Nanny membership (Valued at $95) If you are already an INA member we will pay your membership for the following year.

You can gain entries by doing any or all of the following.

1. Sign up to follow either blog. (Each blog counts for 1 entry so if you sign up for all 4 you will get 4 entries). Please leave a comment at each blog stating that you signed up to follow or already do.
http://www.nannytransitions.com/
http://www.creativenanny.blogspot.com/
http://www.nannyadventures.com/
http://www.thefinancialnanny.com/



2. Talk about this give away and post a link to our blogs on your blog, post about it to a yahoogroup, or post about it on a message board like Nannynetwork, or Nannyisland
Twitter it, or put it on Facebook.

Send us a copy or a link and each one will count as an entry.
Send it to nannytransitions@aol.com (put INA Giveaway in subject)

3. In addition to that you will get double entries for posting on any of our blogs :

a. Why you want to be a member of a professional organization, or
b. What it means to you to be a member of a professional nanny group


The winner will be chosen from random.org and announced on all four blogs on Tuesday June 2, 2009. Good luck!

For more information on the INA please visit their website, their blog, their facebook fan page or twitter.