Coming Soon!
9 years ago
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Mary Jean Rippon
Congratulations MJ please contact me so that I can get your INA membership taken care of.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Win a FREE INA Nanny Membership
This one is for all my professional nanny friends who are NOT members of INA.
In honor of my 35th anniversary in Childcare, I am going to give away one INA Membership.....but you have to work for it!
If you are an INA Member already share this with someone who isn't please.
Here is what you do: sign up to follow this blog.
Then tell me the best advice you ever received about getting through leaving a family.
Post it on my facebook page, or post it here, or email it to me
nannytransitions(at)aol(dot)com
I will choose a winner via
random.org on Sunday.
Feel free to share this on your Facebook pages, or your yahoogroups. If you do that, let me know and I will give you extra entries.
I will post the winner here on Sunday night.
Glenda
In honor of my 35th anniversary in Childcare, I am going to give away one INA Membership.....but you have to work for it!
If you are an INA Member already share this with someone who isn't please.
Here is what you do: sign up to follow this blog.
Then tell me the best advice you ever received about getting through leaving a family.
Post it on my facebook page, or post it here, or email it to me
nannytransitions(at)aol(dot)com
I will choose a winner via
random.org on Sunday.
Feel free to share this on your Facebook pages, or your yahoogroups. If you do that, let me know and I will give you extra entries.
I will post the winner here on Sunday night.
Glenda
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Gentle Transitions Guide
Gentle Transitions
You can find books about being a nanny,what a nanny needs to know, how to put together your portfolio,how to interview a family and what you need to put in a work agreement, but you can’t find a book that tells a nanny how to heal her broken heart when she either outgrows or her job , or the job ends.
The subject of leaving a family, and the grief that follows, is a topic that very few nannies or parents have a desire to talk about.
There are many things that make our profession unique but the one thing that sets it apart from all the rest is the fact that we come into a family, we play an integral part of loving and caring for, and helping to raise their children, and our reward for a job well done is to move on.
I once heard someone say that a nanny comes when you think you need her least, and leaves when you need her most. There is a truthful irony about nannies which is:
If we do our job and do it well, we work ourselves out of a job. No matter how hard you work, or how well you do your job, it is inevitable that your job will come to an end.
The subject of leaving a family, and the grief that follows, is a topic that very few nannies or parents have a desire to talk about.
There are many things that make our profession unique but the one thing that sets it apart from all the rest is the fact that we come into a family, we play an integral part of loving and caring for, and helping to raise their children, and our reward for a job well done is to move on.
I once heard someone say that a nanny comes when you think you need her least, and leaves when you need her most. There is a truthful irony about nannies which is:
If we do our job and do it well, we work ourselves out of a job. No matter how hard you work, or how well you do your job, it is inevitable that your job will come to an end.
As nannies it is our job to teach the children in our care not to need us.
Our challenge is to convince ourselves that we don’t need them.
Our challenge is to convince ourselves that we don’t need them.
Sometimes you can plan for those endings and sometimes they come unexpectedly.
Jobs end for lots of reasons:
Children grow up
Parent loses job and has to downsize
Parents find alternative care that is cheaper
Nannies find jobs that pay more
Parent and nanny no longer agree on lots of issues
In a perfect world a parent and a nanny can sit down and talk about the upcoming transition and plan for it together.
But...more often than not it ends badly. Even when you are trying to work together to make it a good parting, it can still end badly.
If the nanny chooses to leave:
sometimes the parents can feel hurt or betrayed,
If the parent decides to end the relationship:, sometimes the nanny can feel hurt or betrayed, but no matter who chooses to end the relationship, it is always highly emotional and difficult especially for the nanny and the child who form very close bonds.
Lets talk about signs that point to the end of a job, ways to prepare the children, and ways to take care of yourself.
In a perfect world, when the job is ending, you have the opportunity to talk with the parents and plan for it. You can plan to slowly transition the children. Financially it is not always feasible.
I have been with my current family for 17 years. In that 17 years there have been many changes but we always talk and we always try to have a plan. We started talking early in the relationship how we would phase my job down and also how important it was for us to always be a part of each other’s lives.
Sometimes, financially, for a nanny this is impossible but if you can make the changes gradually it is helpful for all concerned.
In most cases, that is not an option.
Whether you stay with a family for 6 months or 6 years, it does not take long to fall in love with the children, and when that job ends, it hurts.
Even more so if it ends unexpectedly or without warning.
If the writing is on the wall, you need to read it and heed it, because if you don’t, you might find that your employers will make that decision for you.
It is much better for you to choose to leave, than to be told the job is over.
Emotionally, even though it is still painful, when it is your decision, not someone else’s you have a tendency to feel more in control.
Jobs end for lots of reasons. They don't always have to be bad reasons.
Some are happy reasons.
If the nanny decides to have a child of her own,
or if the nanny gets married and moves away those can be happy reasons.
Some are happy reasons.
If the nanny decides to have a child of her own,
or if the nanny gets married and moves away those can be happy reasons.
But the most common reasons that jobs end are:
Children grow up.
Some parents just don’t see the need for a full time nanny once their children are in pre school and often times pre-schools offer extended care.
Parents lose their job and have to downsize
Parents find alternative care that is cheaper
Nanny finds a job that pays more
Parent and nanny no longer agree on lots of issues
If you are on the fence about leaving your job you might want to make a list of the pros and cons of your job. Give each pro or con a point value and see which side has the most value to you. This can be a helpful tool in making your decision. Sometimes it's sort of like counting your blessings, we often take the best things for granted.
If you ask nannies who either left jobs by mutual consent or left jobs that they have outgrown, they will often tell you that they saw the signs, they just did not want to believe that their job was coming to an end.
If you are unhappy in your job, the chances are great that your employer is also unhappy. Over the years I have advised countless nannies in person or via the internet about problems they are having on their jobs. The first question I ask them, is if they have talked to their employers, they always answer NO.
Being a parenting partner in a family is very much like any relationship.
Relationships can not grow, they can not solidify, nor can they survive if you do not have good communication.
There are lots of ways to communicate: Daily logs, phone calls, weekly meetings, monthly dinners, email or a combination of these. The bottom line is that if you are not using any of these, you can’t expect your job to last long term.
More than once I have talked to nannies who say they are unhappy in their jobs. Once they decide to start looking for a new job on the internet, they are completely SHOCKED to find their job being advertised online.
So, to better prepare yourself, it is smart for you to know what the warning signs are that a job is coming to an end.
How do you know when the writing is on the wall?
What are the signals that it is time to move on?
I solicited feedback from nannies online asking them the signs that it was time for a nanny to move on.
The number one response to that question was:
1. When you stop communicating
I could type all day on just this one topic but the bottom line is that this is a relationship and when you don’t communicate there is no relationship.
When there is no relationship….soon there will be no job.
2.When the parents stop trying to be respectful or accommodating to your needs.As a nanny you have the right to a life beyond your work. In fact, you will be a better rounded nanny if you have a life beyond your work. Do not allow your employer to diminish the importance of your life over theirs. You have the right to be sick, the right to go to the dentist and Dr. and the right to take care of yourself.
3. When the parents start to take on responsibilities that used to be yours.
4. When everything is an issue .
5. When everything is an issue for “you”.
6.When the parents don’t back you up even after a discussion on the importance of doing so. You tell your charge no TV while eating breakfast but you walk in every morning to the TV on and the kids eating breakfast in front of it.
7. Your paycheck bounces
8. Lack of respect
9. Your employer belittles you in front of others
10. Parents correct you in front of the children.
11. Parents disagree with everything you say
12. When you start the day and wish it was already over.
13. When you dread going to work.
14. When the parents stop responding enthusiastically to plans you have made or things you have done.
15. When your employer asks you to return all credit cards etc. in an effort to use only cash to better track expenses
16. You stop having regular meetings
17. You feel like you are walking on eggshells.
18. The children have outgrown your level of expertise.
When you are unhappy in your job…..Your employer is probably unhappy with you.
If the writing is on the wall, you need to read it and heed it.
If you don’t, you might find that your employers will make that decision for you.
It is much better for you to choose to leave, than to be told the job is over.
When it is your decision, it is still difficult, but you will feel more in control having made the decision than having the decision made for you
In a perfect world a parent and a nanny can sit down and talk about the upcoming transition and plan for it together.Realistically, this is not always possible.If the new person is starting, or your new job needs you sooner or the money for the parents to keep you there is just not available it creates a stressful work environment.
Even when the nanny and the parents are trying to work together to make it a good parting, it often ends badly.
If the nanny chooses to leave:
sometimes the parents can feel hurt or betrayed,
If the parent decides to end the relationship:
sometimes the nanny can feel hurt or betrayed,
but no matter who chooses to end the relationship, it is always highly emotional and difficult especially for the nanny and the child who form very close bonds.
This is a time when emotions are running very high. One of the things that nannies yearn for at this point in the transition is validation that they have done a great job. At a time when the nanny wants the parents to say "You are so wonderful, how will we ever live without you?" the parents actions are saying "We are going to be just fine without you here."
It is very important to remember that this is not the time you are going to be validated for a job well done.
First of all, you aren't gone yet....how can they miss you?
Secondly, if you look at this situation from the parents perspective, their goal at this point in time is to send their children a very strong message that "it's all going to be ok" Most of us work for very strong, very intelligent, successful families and at this point in time, they want their children to know above all else, it will all be fine.
Even though this may feel insulting to you at the time, you have to remember, these are not your children and their parents will be caring for them long after you are gone and it is still our responsibility to set the example for them, and to help them believe that it will be ok. Remember that you are a professional and that teaching these children how to say goodbye, is one of the most important life lessons they will learn.
Since emotions are running rampant at this point, the best thing that all of you can do is focus on the children and helping them get through this situation.
I have created a tip sheet using information that I have gleaned over the years from other nannies on how to prepare the children.
How do you prepare the children?
First and foremost, the nanny and the parents need to discuss who will tell the children, when they will be told and whether or not the nanny will be present. They should also discuss what they will tell the children so that they present a unified front.
Here are ways that you can prepare the children that will also help you prepare yourself.
1. Educate children from the day you begin caring for them, so that they understand that youwill always love them and they will always be in your heart, but you will not always be there on a daily basis.
2. It is important that they understand that you are there to do a job and when you leave, it is not because of anything that they did wrong.
3. Make sure that if you are still going to be able to see them, that they know that.
4. If you will still be having visits with them, it is a good idea to set up a future visit and mark it on the calendar so they understand that they will see you again.
5. If you are moving away, leave them your picture, your new phone number, your email address and a way to get in touch with you.
6. Give them certificates that recognize how much they have grown and what they have learned.
7. Make a picture album together
8. Transition with the new nanny if at all possible.
9. Make friends with the new nanny.
10. Speak positively about the new nanny.
You can say things like “You and ----- are going to have so much fun together. Did you know that she can …………..
11. If you accept the new nanny, it gives your child permission to accept them too.
12. Never promise to stay forever
13. When they are old enough to understand, talk about past charges...Like, "When I was E---'s Nanny we used to………..."
14. If your current charges see you keeping in touch with your past charges you can use that to teach them that at some point you will be needed to help another family just as you moved on to help them.
15. Adopt a natural circle of life philosophy.
16. Point out when their friends change nannies.
17. Always remind them that they will have their parents to care for them.
18. Don't lie to them.
19. Make sure that they know it is nothing they have done.
20. If the children are old enough, share with them when you go on an interview,and tell them about the kids you met and what they thought and if they had things in common. This makes them feel like more of the transition process.
21. Talk in a positive way about the good things that are to come. How you can come and visit them.
22. If mom will now be at home, try to help them see how much fun that will be.
23. Set up emails and I show them how to email you and remind them that you can 'talk' all the time via email and they can call and write.
24. If there are special traditions they want to carry on, try to do that for them.
25. One nanny said that her charge was going to miss her Rice Krispie Treats - so she taught her how to make them her “special way”
26. Make an extra effort to remember their birthdays and Holidays
27. Have a special picture made together
28. Talk about the great memories
Remember that you are the adult in this situation and always take the high road.
Even when the nanny and the parents are trying to work together to make it a good parting, it often ends badly.
If the nanny chooses to leave:
sometimes the parents can feel hurt or betrayed,
If the parent decides to end the relationship:
sometimes the nanny can feel hurt or betrayed,
but no matter who chooses to end the relationship, it is always highly emotional and difficult especially for the nanny and the child who form very close bonds.
This is a time when emotions are running very high. One of the things that nannies yearn for at this point in the transition is validation that they have done a great job. At a time when the nanny wants the parents to say "You are so wonderful, how will we ever live without you?" the parents actions are saying "We are going to be just fine without you here."
It is very important to remember that this is not the time you are going to be validated for a job well done.
First of all, you aren't gone yet....how can they miss you?
Secondly, if you look at this situation from the parents perspective, their goal at this point in time is to send their children a very strong message that "it's all going to be ok" Most of us work for very strong, very intelligent, successful families and at this point in time, they want their children to know above all else, it will all be fine.
Even though this may feel insulting to you at the time, you have to remember, these are not your children and their parents will be caring for them long after you are gone and it is still our responsibility to set the example for them, and to help them believe that it will be ok. Remember that you are a professional and that teaching these children how to say goodbye, is one of the most important life lessons they will learn.
Since emotions are running rampant at this point, the best thing that all of you can do is focus on the children and helping them get through this situation.
I have created a tip sheet using information that I have gleaned over the years from other nannies on how to prepare the children.
How do you prepare the children?
First and foremost, the nanny and the parents need to discuss who will tell the children, when they will be told and whether or not the nanny will be present. They should also discuss what they will tell the children so that they present a unified front.
Here are ways that you can prepare the children that will also help you prepare yourself.
1. Educate children from the day you begin caring for them, so that they understand that youwill always love them and they will always be in your heart, but you will not always be there on a daily basis.
2. It is important that they understand that you are there to do a job and when you leave, it is not because of anything that they did wrong.
3. Make sure that if you are still going to be able to see them, that they know that.
4. If you will still be having visits with them, it is a good idea to set up a future visit and mark it on the calendar so they understand that they will see you again.
5. If you are moving away, leave them your picture, your new phone number, your email address and a way to get in touch with you.
6. Give them certificates that recognize how much they have grown and what they have learned.
7. Make a picture album together
8. Transition with the new nanny if at all possible.
9. Make friends with the new nanny.
10. Speak positively about the new nanny.
You can say things like “You and ----- are going to have so much fun together. Did you know that she can …………..
11. If you accept the new nanny, it gives your child permission to accept them too.
12. Never promise to stay forever
13. When they are old enough to understand, talk about past charges...Like, "When I was E---'s Nanny we used to………..."
14. If your current charges see you keeping in touch with your past charges you can use that to teach them that at some point you will be needed to help another family just as you moved on to help them.
15. Adopt a natural circle of life philosophy.
16. Point out when their friends change nannies.
17. Always remind them that they will have their parents to care for them.
18. Don't lie to them.
19. Make sure that they know it is nothing they have done.
20. If the children are old enough, share with them when you go on an interview,and tell them about the kids you met and what they thought and if they had things in common. This makes them feel like more of the transition process.
21. Talk in a positive way about the good things that are to come. How you can come and visit them.
22. If mom will now be at home, try to help them see how much fun that will be.
23. Set up emails and I show them how to email you and remind them that you can 'talk' all the time via email and they can call and write.
24. If there are special traditions they want to carry on, try to do that for them.
25. One nanny said that her charge was going to miss her Rice Krispie Treats - so she taught her how to make them her “special way”
26. Make an extra effort to remember their birthdays and Holidays
27. Have a special picture made together
28. Talk about the great memories
Remember that you are the adult in this situation and always take the high road.
Dealing with the stages of Grief
Often times when nannies see the writing on the wall, they go into the first stage of grief.
The first stage of grief is denial.
If I pretend this is not happening it won’t be, and I won’t have to figure out what to do or how to find a new job or most importantly, how to leave these children that I love so much.
Then comes Anger
“After all I have done for this family I can’t believe that they treat me like this!
Then comes
The first stage of grief is denial.
If I pretend this is not happening it won’t be, and I won’t have to figure out what to do or how to find a new job or most importantly, how to leave these children that I love so much.
Then comes Anger
“After all I have done for this family I can’t believe that they treat me like this!
Then comes
.Bargaining
If I can just focus on the children it will be ok.
Then you move on:
You either realize that loving the children is not enough and that you have no choice but to move on, or the parents let you go and the decision is beyond your control.This is the time that you find yourself sinking into that dark hole of sadness and pain.
Depression
You know that you have to make important decisions but you just can’t find the energy. It is hard to get from one minute to the next and impossible to think of your life in terms of tomorrow, much less the future. This is also the time when you might say to yourself, I will never be a nanny again, this is just too painful.
Acceptance
Eventually you are forced to accept that the job is ending and you need to decide what to do next.
Sometimes, even when a job ends, it is still hard to move on to the stage of acceptance. Sometimes not being able to accept that loss contributes to not being happy or successful in our next position.
Change is always difficult and it is always an adjustment when you change jobs. Oftentimes, when nannies change jobs, if they are a live in nanny, they also change their place to live.
It is also harder for a nanny because unlike a job where you work in a factory, or sit at a desk all day our job elicits emotions of love, compassion caring and tenderness.
How do you just turn those feelings off when the job ends?
So when we leave a job, we also have to deal with an end or a change to a relationship.
It’s easy to say that this is a part of our job and that saying goodbye goes with the territory. It’s easy to say that we “just have to be professional” about it. It’s easy to say
“You just focus on the positive and move on”
It just is not “EASY” to do.
When you are going through the process of grieving, it is important to have a good support system in place to help you stay focused and help you deal with your emotions.
Grieving is a process that you have to work through in your own time on your own schedule.
Let yourself feel, let yourself hurt, let yourself cry, and then most importantly
Let yourself heal.
When we have to say goodbye, for whatever reason, we often feel betrayed by the parents who entrusted us to love and care for their children.
It is hard to be rational with a broken heart but it is very important to accept what you can not change and look to your future.
In Merle Shain’s book “Hearts that We Broke Long Ago” she said:
“ People do not usually set out to hurt you, but sometimes you get in the way of what they want or what they need."
If you stop and think about that statement, there is a lot of truth to it.
When that family hired you, they did not say, let’s hire a nanny, keep her until she gets attached to the children, and then let her go.
It is just a natural process of our job.
Sometimes when a job is ending, the parents feel emotional too. If the nanny makes the choice to leave, the parents might feel rejected, and wonder “What did we do to make her want to leave us?”
At a time when they might want to say “We don’t’ know how we can live without you, their actions might say “We couldn’t care less that you are leaving”
Sometimes it is hard for parents to admit what an important part of your life they are, and if the parents are letting the nanny go they might try to send the message that they will be just fine without her.
Never forget that your first priority is support the children through this transition. This is quite possibly one of the most important lessons you will teach the children in your care, and it is crucial that we set an example that they can follow.
It also helps to focus on the good times you have had with this family and the happy memories you will take with you.
At a time when it is easier to see the negative, try to remember the great experiences you had, the opportunities you were offered and what you learned from the time you spent there.
We usually learn more from the hard times in our lives than we do from the happy times.
If a position is ending badly, and you wish that you could pour your heart out to the family, you might try just writing a letter to get your feelings out on paper. You don’t have to mail it but just writing your thoughts down might be helpful in processing all the emotion you are feeling.
When you allow yourself to forgive, you can move forward but until you can forgive (Whether it is for treating you badly, or letting you go, or keeping you from their children) you can never truly move forward and you can never truly begin to heal.
If you choose to hold on to the wrong that was done to you, you choose to drag a heavy load around with you and it will weigh you down and hold you back. It will also keep you in the pain.
Dealing with the pain is not something that is going to go away in a week or month or even years. .
Children grow up in spite of us, whether we are there, or not. I sometimes find myself looking at old pictures or videos of my charges when they were little I truly miss them being at those stages of their life but I also enjoy seeing them grow up and learn and know that I have had a part of all of that.
If you are leaving a family on good terms it is important for you to talk about how you are going to deal with telling the children.
Who is going to tell them, what they will be told and whether or not you will be a part of that.
The nanny should never tell a child she is leaving without the parents ok, and she should never tell the child that the parents are making her leave or firing her.
Even though you might be hurt or angry, you should always take the high road as you transition to the final days in this position.
You will never be sorry you took the high road, but you may regret it if you take the low road.
In the book "How to Survive the Loss of Love" they talk about the stages of recovery taking place in three distinct, yet overlapping stages.
They are :
shock/denial/numbness
fear/anger/depression
understanding/acceptance/moving on
Each stage of recovery is
necessary
natural
a part of the healing process
Having said all of that, sometimes, the pain is more than we can bear alone.
If you think you need help, don't hesitate. Get it at once.
If you are feeling suicidal--or even think you might be feeling suicidal--call a Suicide Prevention Hotline at once.
You should also seek help at once if you:
feel you are "coming apart"
are no longer in control
are about to take an action you may later regret
have a history of emotional disturbance
turn to alcohol, drugs or other addictive substances in time of need
feel isolated with no one to turn to
repeatedly find yourself in loss situations
Sometimes, we all need a little bit of extra help to get through a really difficult time. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.
If I can just focus on the children it will be ok.
Then you move on:
You either realize that loving the children is not enough and that you have no choice but to move on, or the parents let you go and the decision is beyond your control.This is the time that you find yourself sinking into that dark hole of sadness and pain.
Depression
You know that you have to make important decisions but you just can’t find the energy. It is hard to get from one minute to the next and impossible to think of your life in terms of tomorrow, much less the future. This is also the time when you might say to yourself, I will never be a nanny again, this is just too painful.
Acceptance
Eventually you are forced to accept that the job is ending and you need to decide what to do next.
Sometimes, even when a job ends, it is still hard to move on to the stage of acceptance. Sometimes not being able to accept that loss contributes to not being happy or successful in our next position.
Change is always difficult and it is always an adjustment when you change jobs. Oftentimes, when nannies change jobs, if they are a live in nanny, they also change their place to live.
It is also harder for a nanny because unlike a job where you work in a factory, or sit at a desk all day our job elicits emotions of love, compassion caring and tenderness.
How do you just turn those feelings off when the job ends?
So when we leave a job, we also have to deal with an end or a change to a relationship.
It’s easy to say that this is a part of our job and that saying goodbye goes with the territory. It’s easy to say that we “just have to be professional” about it. It’s easy to say
“You just focus on the positive and move on”
It just is not “EASY” to do.
When you are going through the process of grieving, it is important to have a good support system in place to help you stay focused and help you deal with your emotions.
Grieving is a process that you have to work through in your own time on your own schedule.
Let yourself feel, let yourself hurt, let yourself cry, and then most importantly
Let yourself heal.
When we have to say goodbye, for whatever reason, we often feel betrayed by the parents who entrusted us to love and care for their children.
It is hard to be rational with a broken heart but it is very important to accept what you can not change and look to your future.
In Merle Shain’s book “Hearts that We Broke Long Ago” she said:
“ People do not usually set out to hurt you, but sometimes you get in the way of what they want or what they need."
If you stop and think about that statement, there is a lot of truth to it.
When that family hired you, they did not say, let’s hire a nanny, keep her until she gets attached to the children, and then let her go.
It is just a natural process of our job.
Sometimes when a job is ending, the parents feel emotional too. If the nanny makes the choice to leave, the parents might feel rejected, and wonder “What did we do to make her want to leave us?”
At a time when they might want to say “We don’t’ know how we can live without you, their actions might say “We couldn’t care less that you are leaving”
Sometimes it is hard for parents to admit what an important part of your life they are, and if the parents are letting the nanny go they might try to send the message that they will be just fine without her.
Never forget that your first priority is support the children through this transition. This is quite possibly one of the most important lessons you will teach the children in your care, and it is crucial that we set an example that they can follow.
It also helps to focus on the good times you have had with this family and the happy memories you will take with you.
At a time when it is easier to see the negative, try to remember the great experiences you had, the opportunities you were offered and what you learned from the time you spent there.
We usually learn more from the hard times in our lives than we do from the happy times.
If a position is ending badly, and you wish that you could pour your heart out to the family, you might try just writing a letter to get your feelings out on paper. You don’t have to mail it but just writing your thoughts down might be helpful in processing all the emotion you are feeling.
When you allow yourself to forgive, you can move forward but until you can forgive (Whether it is for treating you badly, or letting you go, or keeping you from their children) you can never truly move forward and you can never truly begin to heal.
If you choose to hold on to the wrong that was done to you, you choose to drag a heavy load around with you and it will weigh you down and hold you back. It will also keep you in the pain.
Dealing with the pain is not something that is going to go away in a week or month or even years. .
Children grow up in spite of us, whether we are there, or not. I sometimes find myself looking at old pictures or videos of my charges when they were little I truly miss them being at those stages of their life but I also enjoy seeing them grow up and learn and know that I have had a part of all of that.
If you are leaving a family on good terms it is important for you to talk about how you are going to deal with telling the children.
Who is going to tell them, what they will be told and whether or not you will be a part of that.
The nanny should never tell a child she is leaving without the parents ok, and she should never tell the child that the parents are making her leave or firing her.
Even though you might be hurt or angry, you should always take the high road as you transition to the final days in this position.
You will never be sorry you took the high road, but you may regret it if you take the low road.
In the book "How to Survive the Loss of Love" they talk about the stages of recovery taking place in three distinct, yet overlapping stages.
They are :
shock/denial/numbness
fear/anger/depression
understanding/acceptance/moving on
Each stage of recovery is
necessary
natural
a part of the healing process
Having said all of that, sometimes, the pain is more than we can bear alone.
If you think you need help, don't hesitate. Get it at once.
If you are feeling suicidal--or even think you might be feeling suicidal--call a Suicide Prevention Hotline at once.
You should also seek help at once if you:
feel you are "coming apart"
are no longer in control
are about to take an action you may later regret
have a history of emotional disturbance
turn to alcohol, drugs or other addictive substances in time of need
feel isolated with no one to turn to
repeatedly find yourself in loss situations
Sometimes, we all need a little bit of extra help to get through a really difficult time. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.
I want to leave you with a few more tips:
These tips on how to survive leaving a family were part of the "Gentle Transitions" workshop at the 1999 NAN Conference.
Thanks to all of the great survivors out there who wrote to me and shared their tips on how they got through it.
I suggest that you keep this for yourself. You can also find this online at www.careernanny.com/leaving.htm.
Maintain Contact.
Remember that the love you gave to these children is something no one else could have ever given them, and no one else can take away.
You could also provide them with lists from local sources and names of several people that have expressed an interest in the position.
If you will be in the same area, make friends with the new nanny. If you like and respect the person who comes after you, it will help you to know that those children are in good loving hands.
When you start to interview again, don’t try to compare one family to another family. There is no way to measure one family against another.
Copyright: Glenda Propst/Gentle Transitions 1999
I can't believe it's been a year
Its' hard to believe that has been a year since I launched this blog because so much has happened in this last year. I want to thank those of you who have visited the blog and hope that it has helped ease you through your transition.
One of the things that I discovered over the course of this year is that was hard to direct people to the blog because they had to read it backwards, so in celebration of my one year, I will post the highlights of the workshop in one blog post.
I hope that you find it helpful and hopeful and I hope that the last year has brought not just change to your life but growth.
Glenda
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Table Talk Thursday:Catching up with Jenn, who left her job last June.
This week we are going to catch up with Jenn, the nanny who shared with us the 10 day countdown of her last days with the family she had been with for 16 years. For those of you who are going through a transition, her story should give you hope, and for those of you who are about to go through transition, she has some great advice for getting through. If you will notice she used a lot of the ideas from the Nanny Transitions workshop to help her through the hardest times.
Jenn, thanks again for sharing your story with us, and thanks for the update. Much of the ease of your transition is due to your desire to make it succeed.
An update by Nanny Jenn
I left my job of sixteen years last June. It was so hard. I was an emotional wreck. I think I handled my end as their everyday nanny better than I thought I would. No, I know I did. I cried and mourned the loss of the everyday interaction. I talked to them often. I saw the kids about once a week in the beginning. I still see them pretty often. I see M (8) and Kyle (12) every 2 weeks or so. I alternate between them. I make a point to see them about once a month, sometimes more if I catch one of their games or other activities. The oldest is 16.5 .I see him about once every other month. He really doesn't have much time, as I said, he is 16.5 ....enough said on that. HA HA.
The middle child and I were very close and still are. He texts me about 5 times a week to say "hello". I talk to him on Facebook too. I know how lucky I am that I am able to see them so often and that my former employers are so good about it.
M the 8 year old did much better than I thought she would. In the beginning she called me all the time. These days it's about once or less a week. She seems to have grown really close to her dad. He is the one no longer working who stays home with them. I really like that.
I credit the transition going so well on a few things.
1. We had a natural end
2 .They were never made to feel like they couldn't call and in return they never felt like I wasn't a phone call away (as they say)
3. I made sure I had something in place for the youngest to get out her feelings. I gave her a journal when I left and a necklace. She wore half and I wore the other half. The journal we would swap every time we saw each other. I think it helped. In the beginning the messages were a lot of complaining when she fought with mom and dad. Now they are more about just what her week has been like.
4 We planned the first visit for me to come back after I left, before my final day so they knew I was coming back.
I still miss them. I think of them everyday. The time we spend together seems to go so fast. I had the youngest all day this weekend and still it seemed like time flew.
I know by little things that are said and things that I see that my kids miss me and things are not the same as they used to be but they are making it as a family and that is what is most important. I am able to let the little things go now and look back and feel good about the work that I did with that family for all those years.I guess I want to close by saying that it gets easier as time goes on. The memories and the bond that you build with your long term charges does stay with you.
I am happy to say that I am a nanny to a little girl who makes me very happy and I have amazing employers who really appreciate me. I shared my birthday this past week with old and new employers and it felt like a family. That is more then I could have ever hoped!
Jenn, thanks again for sharing your story with us, and thanks for the update. Much of the ease of your transition is due to your desire to make it succeed.
An update by Nanny Jenn
I left my job of sixteen years last June. It was so hard. I was an emotional wreck. I think I handled my end as their everyday nanny better than I thought I would. No, I know I did. I cried and mourned the loss of the everyday interaction. I talked to them often. I saw the kids about once a week in the beginning. I still see them pretty often. I see M (8) and Kyle (12) every 2 weeks or so. I alternate between them. I make a point to see them about once a month, sometimes more if I catch one of their games or other activities. The oldest is 16.5 .I see him about once every other month. He really doesn't have much time, as I said, he is 16.5 ....enough said on that. HA HA.
The middle child and I were very close and still are. He texts me about 5 times a week to say "hello". I talk to him on Facebook too. I know how lucky I am that I am able to see them so often and that my former employers are so good about it.
M the 8 year old did much better than I thought she would. In the beginning she called me all the time. These days it's about once or less a week. She seems to have grown really close to her dad. He is the one no longer working who stays home with them. I really like that.
I credit the transition going so well on a few things.
1. We had a natural end
2 .They were never made to feel like they couldn't call and in return they never felt like I wasn't a phone call away (as they say)
3. I made sure I had something in place for the youngest to get out her feelings. I gave her a journal when I left and a necklace. She wore half and I wore the other half. The journal we would swap every time we saw each other. I think it helped. In the beginning the messages were a lot of complaining when she fought with mom and dad. Now they are more about just what her week has been like.
4 We planned the first visit for me to come back after I left, before my final day so they knew I was coming back.
I still miss them. I think of them everyday. The time we spend together seems to go so fast. I had the youngest all day this weekend and still it seemed like time flew.
I know by little things that are said and things that I see that my kids miss me and things are not the same as they used to be but they are making it as a family and that is what is most important. I am able to let the little things go now and look back and feel good about the work that I did with that family for all those years.I guess I want to close by saying that it gets easier as time goes on. The memories and the bond that you build with your long term charges does stay with you.
I am happy to say that I am a nanny to a little girl who makes me very happy and I have amazing employers who really appreciate me. I shared my birthday this past week with old and new employers and it felt like a family. That is more then I could have ever hoped!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Nanny to Mommy
Many women start their careers as professional nannies in their early to mid 20’s, often before they are married and have children. For the career nannies of the last 25 years, many of them were working nannies when they started their own families. Going from nanny, to mommy, to working mommy/nanny is a huge transition.
Today we are talking with Andrea, Kristen and Penny. Three career nannies who also become mommies and continued to work in the profession.
Andrea had been a nanny for 4 years before her daughter was born in 2004.
Kristen had been a nanny for 19 years before her son was born.
Penny had been a nanny for exactly 10 years when she and her husband found out that she was pregnant.
Andrea was working for a school teacher at the time. She didn’t discuss the pregnancy with her employer before she got pregnant. Her daughter was born at the end of summer. She went back to work 2 weeks after her daughter was born. Andrea didn’t discuss the pregnancy with her employer before she got pregnant. They also didn’t really discuss whether or not she would bring her daughter to work with her, it was simply understood.
Kristen did discuss this with her employers after she had been working there for a couple of months. At that time they told her that if she got pregnant, they didn’t want her to bring her child to work with her. Kristen did not get pregnant for 7 years. At that point in time her employers offered to let her bring her son to work with her. They felt like the children were old enough because they were in school and the baby did not interfere with their daily routine. They told her they would do anything to keep her. Kristen went back to work 10 weeks after her child was born. Her maternity leave was unpaid.
Penny’s pregnancy was not planned so she didn’t discuss it with her employer until after she was pregnant. They were wonderful and shared her excitement.Penny’s employers agreed to give her eight weeks but after her son was born they went the extra mile and gave her a gradual return to her full time duties. She didn’t have to work full time until her son was over a year old. The parents helped out and also used other family members to fill in the gap. Penny did discuss bringing her child to work with her and her employer was fine with it. It was never an issue. Penny said that she been so much apart of their family and their lives that adding her little baby to the mix didn't need much discussion
Was it hard to be a parent and nanny?
Andrea said that "At times it was but her charge was 3.5 so that helped. Her employer was easy to get along with and they worked well together. It was hard to be at someone else’s house all day when all her childs' things were at home. One of the things that all 3 of the nanny/mommies did was have a place at work for their child’s things so that they didn’t have to drag things back and forth. Andrea had a bed, changing area, toys and a swing. As her child got older she didn’t want to nap anywhere except her own bed, so that made it a little difficult at times.
Kristen said that the hardest part for her was the commute. I would drive a half-hour to the train station, then take a 48 minute train ride, then get off and have to walk to their house with the stroller. It was hard during the winter months, and easier as it got warmer. The kids adjusted well and were very excited about my son being there. They were old enough to do things on their own. Plus, they loved to play with all the baby toys.
What surprised you the most about being a mother and working nanny and how was it different?
Andrea said “ I was suprised how different it was just knowing and feeling the difference in my relationship with my child and my charge. I of course loved my charge, but the love you feel for your own child is not easily explained. I didn't treat them differently, but my daughter certainly treated me differently! Being a Mom is different than being a working nanny. It means you are at work all day every day, you get up with your child and you go to bed with your child. I found it hard sometimes to separate myself from that and I quickly learned that not only did I have a relationship with my charges but my daughter did as well.”
Kristen was surprised how easy the transition was .Being able to take a lot of things for my child to work and leave them there instead of dragging things back and forth made a huge difference. Everything was so smooth and I really didn’t have any problems, except with that long commute. As a mom I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can do what I want when I want with my child. If I want to stay someplace longer and have my son have a shorter nap, I don’t worry about it. I know he will be fine. I feel more relaxed and I think it is easier. I enjoy being a mother and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Penny said “She was most surprised by her reaction to her baby.”As a nanny, I have always been so sure of myself. I know what my charges need. I know how they tick. As a mom, I was lost right from the start. I was nervous, unsure of what to do at any given time. I felt everything was out of my control and it terrified me. Things got better as he grew but there are still times when I am unsure. I am thankful I have all my nanny experience to lean on. I believe being a nanny will absolutely help me be a better mother.
My charges think it is cool to have a "little brother", especially my 10 year old. He meets us at the car every morning to get his baby-hug fix and help get us inside. He is more than happy to entertain a few minutes here and there while I put laundry away or prepare dinner in the evening. I keep telling him he will make an awesome nanny someday.
Did becoming a mother make you a better nanny or did being a nanny make you a better mother?
Andrea said” I don't think being a mom made me a better nanny but being a nanny made me a better mother. When I was growing up I never felt the need to have a child of my own so taking care of children I learned a lot firsthand and I learned a lot by reading and taking classes. I was really prepared for having my own child and had already learned most of the ins and outs of having a newborn in the house.”
Kristen said “I think being nanny made me a better mother. I had been a nanny for so long that I was a heard it, read it, seen it person. I enjoy reading as many different child care books as I can. I don’t think there is one solution for every parent, but taking different things, from different books made me a well-rounded nanny. So when I became a mother I really didn’t have the first time parent jitters. I think I had the same concerns, like is my child breathing, since I don’t hear him making a sound. Taking my knowledge I had as a nanny and applying it to myself, really helped not only me, but my husband. My husband told me I was kind, patient and helpful to him. He always says he is grateful for my career as a nanny, because it helps him be a better parent, since I am so calm and relaxed.
The one thing that I think makes it harder is that people that I know, who know I was a nanny always tell me, your kid is going to be the best kid, he will know so much, and be the most well behave child. I feel like there is added pressure that I always do my best. Not that my son will be the most well behave or smarter than other kids. I just feel like I have more eyes on me, watching me, critiquing me.”
Andrea still takes her child to work with her almost every day.
Kristen stays home with her son now.. After she worked for about 9 months, her employers wanted to cut her hours drastically, to the point that the commute would not be worth it. She stays at home with him now. She said that she really enjoys that she is able to be with her son and do all the things she did with her charges, with him. She has the best of both worlds.
Do you think that having a child has hampered you in the job market?
Andrea says “YES! Having your own child makes it at least 80% harder to find a job. I think it also depends on where you live. We just moved to California. Most parents are very familiar with nannies and they don't like having a nanny who has her own child and family. Back in Ohio it was never an issue.”
Kristens says “I think it has hampered my efforts to find part-time work. I think parents think that you will favor your child over theirs. I do understand that.”
Penny says “I am thankful I am not looking for work, for I firmly believe having him would hamper me in the job market. I know other mom/nannies in the area who are struggling to find positions.”
How old is your child? And when the time comes will you send them to pre-school?
Andrea’s daughter is 5. She is starting Kindergarten this Fall. She did send her to pre school.It allowed her to be with her peers and it allowed Andrea to have time to focus on her work and the children she nannied for.
Kristen’s son will be 2 on October 8th. She will definitely send him to pre school when the time comes. She is now a certified sign language instructor and will be doing classes in the future.
Penny’s, toddler is almost 18 months old now. He will probably be coming to work with her until he is in school himself, whenever that turns out to be.
Do you think that your employer relates to you differently as a mother than she did when you were a nanny?
Andrea said “No, I actually think the family I was with when I had my daughter learned a lot more from me and I helped them with a lot of parenting issues that I had already learned about in my past as a nanny.”
Kristen said “On some levels, we related to differently. I breast fed and so did she so we talked a lot about that. Everything else, we really didn’t talk about.
Do you have any advice you would like to share with nannies who are contemplating doing both?
Andrea says "I have so much advice I would love to share. My first advice would be to make sure you plan everything, IF you are planning to have a child you need to make sure everyone involved is prepared. If you get pregnant accidentally you need to make sure you handle properly and make sure you tell everyone as soon as you are comfortable doing so. If you are looking for a job and already have a child I suggest NOT telling prospective families right away. I always get familiar with each family before I tell them about my daughter. It makes things easier and I even wait sometimes until after the first interview to tell them. I have had a lot of success doing it this way, it does seem deceptive, however, it shortens the amount of time being wasted if in fact they don't click with you."
Kristen says”
“My advice I would give other nannies who would like to do both is, first make sure you are secure financially. That way if it doesn’t work out you are not frantically looking for just another job to help pay the bills. I would have something in writing so if you did get pregnant or you bring your child to work that almost everything has been discuss. Secondly, do it on a trial basis, that way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t gotten yourself into a long-term commitment”
Penny says “I would advise nannies who are thinking of doing both to have good communication with their employers. You have to know they are willing to accommodate your and your baby's needs if you cannot afford or are unwilling to send your child to daycare.”
Thank you ladies for sharing your personal experience with us. As more and more nannies choose to stay in the profession after becoming moms, this is great information!
Today we are talking with Andrea, Kristen and Penny. Three career nannies who also become mommies and continued to work in the profession.
Andrea had been a nanny for 4 years before her daughter was born in 2004.
Kristen had been a nanny for 19 years before her son was born.
Penny had been a nanny for exactly 10 years when she and her husband found out that she was pregnant.
Andrea was working for a school teacher at the time. She didn’t discuss the pregnancy with her employer before she got pregnant. Her daughter was born at the end of summer. She went back to work 2 weeks after her daughter was born. Andrea didn’t discuss the pregnancy with her employer before she got pregnant. They also didn’t really discuss whether or not she would bring her daughter to work with her, it was simply understood.
Kristen did discuss this with her employers after she had been working there for a couple of months. At that time they told her that if she got pregnant, they didn’t want her to bring her child to work with her. Kristen did not get pregnant for 7 years. At that point in time her employers offered to let her bring her son to work with her. They felt like the children were old enough because they were in school and the baby did not interfere with their daily routine. They told her they would do anything to keep her. Kristen went back to work 10 weeks after her child was born. Her maternity leave was unpaid.
Penny’s pregnancy was not planned so she didn’t discuss it with her employer until after she was pregnant. They were wonderful and shared her excitement.Penny’s employers agreed to give her eight weeks but after her son was born they went the extra mile and gave her a gradual return to her full time duties. She didn’t have to work full time until her son was over a year old. The parents helped out and also used other family members to fill in the gap. Penny did discuss bringing her child to work with her and her employer was fine with it. It was never an issue. Penny said that she been so much apart of their family and their lives that adding her little baby to the mix didn't need much discussion
Was it hard to be a parent and nanny?
Andrea said that "At times it was but her charge was 3.5 so that helped. Her employer was easy to get along with and they worked well together. It was hard to be at someone else’s house all day when all her childs' things were at home. One of the things that all 3 of the nanny/mommies did was have a place at work for their child’s things so that they didn’t have to drag things back and forth. Andrea had a bed, changing area, toys and a swing. As her child got older she didn’t want to nap anywhere except her own bed, so that made it a little difficult at times.
Kristen said that the hardest part for her was the commute. I would drive a half-hour to the train station, then take a 48 minute train ride, then get off and have to walk to their house with the stroller. It was hard during the winter months, and easier as it got warmer. The kids adjusted well and were very excited about my son being there. They were old enough to do things on their own. Plus, they loved to play with all the baby toys.
What surprised you the most about being a mother and working nanny and how was it different?
Andrea said “ I was suprised how different it was just knowing and feeling the difference in my relationship with my child and my charge. I of course loved my charge, but the love you feel for your own child is not easily explained. I didn't treat them differently, but my daughter certainly treated me differently! Being a Mom is different than being a working nanny. It means you are at work all day every day, you get up with your child and you go to bed with your child. I found it hard sometimes to separate myself from that and I quickly learned that not only did I have a relationship with my charges but my daughter did as well.”
Kristen was surprised how easy the transition was .Being able to take a lot of things for my child to work and leave them there instead of dragging things back and forth made a huge difference. Everything was so smooth and I really didn’t have any problems, except with that long commute. As a mom I don’t have to answer to anyone. I can do what I want when I want with my child. If I want to stay someplace longer and have my son have a shorter nap, I don’t worry about it. I know he will be fine. I feel more relaxed and I think it is easier. I enjoy being a mother and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Penny said “She was most surprised by her reaction to her baby.”As a nanny, I have always been so sure of myself. I know what my charges need. I know how they tick. As a mom, I was lost right from the start. I was nervous, unsure of what to do at any given time. I felt everything was out of my control and it terrified me. Things got better as he grew but there are still times when I am unsure. I am thankful I have all my nanny experience to lean on. I believe being a nanny will absolutely help me be a better mother.
My charges think it is cool to have a "little brother", especially my 10 year old. He meets us at the car every morning to get his baby-hug fix and help get us inside. He is more than happy to entertain a few minutes here and there while I put laundry away or prepare dinner in the evening. I keep telling him he will make an awesome nanny someday.
Did becoming a mother make you a better nanny or did being a nanny make you a better mother?
Andrea said” I don't think being a mom made me a better nanny but being a nanny made me a better mother. When I was growing up I never felt the need to have a child of my own so taking care of children I learned a lot firsthand and I learned a lot by reading and taking classes. I was really prepared for having my own child and had already learned most of the ins and outs of having a newborn in the house.”
Kristen said “I think being nanny made me a better mother. I had been a nanny for so long that I was a heard it, read it, seen it person. I enjoy reading as many different child care books as I can. I don’t think there is one solution for every parent, but taking different things, from different books made me a well-rounded nanny. So when I became a mother I really didn’t have the first time parent jitters. I think I had the same concerns, like is my child breathing, since I don’t hear him making a sound. Taking my knowledge I had as a nanny and applying it to myself, really helped not only me, but my husband. My husband told me I was kind, patient and helpful to him. He always says he is grateful for my career as a nanny, because it helps him be a better parent, since I am so calm and relaxed.
The one thing that I think makes it harder is that people that I know, who know I was a nanny always tell me, your kid is going to be the best kid, he will know so much, and be the most well behave child. I feel like there is added pressure that I always do my best. Not that my son will be the most well behave or smarter than other kids. I just feel like I have more eyes on me, watching me, critiquing me.”
Andrea still takes her child to work with her almost every day.
Kristen stays home with her son now.. After she worked for about 9 months, her employers wanted to cut her hours drastically, to the point that the commute would not be worth it. She stays at home with him now. She said that she really enjoys that she is able to be with her son and do all the things she did with her charges, with him. She has the best of both worlds.
Do you think that having a child has hampered you in the job market?
Andrea says “YES! Having your own child makes it at least 80% harder to find a job. I think it also depends on where you live. We just moved to California. Most parents are very familiar with nannies and they don't like having a nanny who has her own child and family. Back in Ohio it was never an issue.”
Kristens says “I think it has hampered my efforts to find part-time work. I think parents think that you will favor your child over theirs. I do understand that.”
Penny says “I am thankful I am not looking for work, for I firmly believe having him would hamper me in the job market. I know other mom/nannies in the area who are struggling to find positions.”
How old is your child? And when the time comes will you send them to pre-school?
Andrea’s daughter is 5. She is starting Kindergarten this Fall. She did send her to pre school.It allowed her to be with her peers and it allowed Andrea to have time to focus on her work and the children she nannied for.
Kristen’s son will be 2 on October 8th. She will definitely send him to pre school when the time comes. She is now a certified sign language instructor and will be doing classes in the future.
Penny’s, toddler is almost 18 months old now. He will probably be coming to work with her until he is in school himself, whenever that turns out to be.
Do you think that your employer relates to you differently as a mother than she did when you were a nanny?
Andrea said “No, I actually think the family I was with when I had my daughter learned a lot more from me and I helped them with a lot of parenting issues that I had already learned about in my past as a nanny.”
Kristen said “On some levels, we related to differently. I breast fed and so did she so we talked a lot about that. Everything else, we really didn’t talk about.
Do you have any advice you would like to share with nannies who are contemplating doing both?
Andrea says "I have so much advice I would love to share. My first advice would be to make sure you plan everything, IF you are planning to have a child you need to make sure everyone involved is prepared. If you get pregnant accidentally you need to make sure you handle properly and make sure you tell everyone as soon as you are comfortable doing so. If you are looking for a job and already have a child I suggest NOT telling prospective families right away. I always get familiar with each family before I tell them about my daughter. It makes things easier and I even wait sometimes until after the first interview to tell them. I have had a lot of success doing it this way, it does seem deceptive, however, it shortens the amount of time being wasted if in fact they don't click with you."
Kristen says”
“My advice I would give other nannies who would like to do both is, first make sure you are secure financially. That way if it doesn’t work out you are not frantically looking for just another job to help pay the bills. I would have something in writing so if you did get pregnant or you bring your child to work that almost everything has been discuss. Secondly, do it on a trial basis, that way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t gotten yourself into a long-term commitment”
Penny says “I would advise nannies who are thinking of doing both to have good communication with their employers. You have to know they are willing to accommodate your and your baby's needs if you cannot afford or are unwilling to send your child to daycare.”
Thank you ladies for sharing your personal experience with us. As more and more nannies choose to stay in the profession after becoming moms, this is great information!
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tips for Finding a New Nanny Job By Genevieve Thiers
Tips for Finding a New Nanny Job
By Genevieve Thiers Founder and CEO of Sittercity.com
It's never easy leaving a nanny job and leaving behind a family you've come to truly care for. Complicating matters is the fact that you're also left without a job and without an income to support yourself as you've been doing – no doubt about it, the transition period is a tough one. As the founder of Sittercity.com, I've seen countless babysitters and nannies in transition and looking for work. To help nannies in transition find a new nanny job, I've put together some tips designed to give you an edge and get back in the game.
Get Connected
The only way to find a job is to put yourself out there. From frequent networking to online searches, connecting with people is going to help you a great deal in your job hunt.
• Reconnect with references. Not only will you need these references to vouch for you in the very near future, but they or someone they know may also be looking for a nanny while you're looking for a job. If not, they can still keep an eye out for you and pass along any job leads they come across.
• Post your profile on Sittercity.com. On Sittercity, a job is posted every 5 minutes. Head over there to create your detailed nanny profile so you can apply to those jobs and get in front of hundreds of thousands of parents looking for caregivers! Make sure your profile is as complete as possible (pictures, references, background check, etc.) so you'll rise to the top of parents' searches.
• Be a backup for friends. If you have friends who babysit, let them know that they can feel free to refer you to a family if they can't make it to a job and need a back-up caregiver. Focus on Standing Out In this economy, many nannies find that they're up against stiff competition when it comes to landing the best jobs with the best families. Now more than ever, it's so important to do everything you can to help yourself stand out in the crowd.
• Update your resume. Make sure your resume includes any additional experience you gained while on your last job (did you sit for multiples? Were you responsible for driving the children? Did you often cook meals or do housework?) as well as any new training or skills you may have acquired, such as CPR or first aid.
• Use your downtime wisely. While you're looking for a new job, use your downtime to get more safety training or to volunteer in a child care-related field. This will not only help keep your skills fresh, it can also help you network and connect to other potential jobs.
• Get a background check. Running a background check on yourself is simple (you can do right on Sittercity) and is a great way to show parents that you're professional, trustworthy and eager to find work.
• Learn the tricks of applying to jobs. Applying to a nannying job might sound simple, but you'd be surprised how many people overlook the little details that make a big difference!
Click here to read an article that fills you in on all the dos and don'ts of applying to a nanny job.
Put Together a Nanny Portfolio
Before you head out on any interviews, make sure you've put together a detailed nanny portfolio that you can give to parents to show them that you're organized and professional.
Here's what your portfolio should include:
• Updated resume, complete with your contact information
• List of references and their email/phone number
• Availability schedule
• Copies of certifications or diplomas you've earned
• Copy of clean background check
• Copy of your driving record, if you'll be driving the children
• Printed version of your online profile to help parents remember you
• Printed version of your online reviews, if you have them
• List of activities/games you like to play with children
Prep for Interviews Like a Pro
Whether or not it's been a while since you've been on an actual nanny interview, it's important to set some time aside to prepare yourself for the meeting.
• Review interview questions. In addition to reviewing the common questions you'll be asked on a nanny interview, you should also prepare your own list of interview questions to ask the parents. This shows that you're engaged, thoughtful and well-prepared to handle the position.
• Review your nanny portfolio.
Make sure you have several copies of each document in case some juice or coffee gets spilled on the originals, and double-check to make sure everything is up-to-date and spelled correctly.
• Dress for success.
Wear a clean, wrinkle-free outfit that is free of stains, tears or faded fabric. Since most parents use the interview period to introduce you to the children, you should wear something modest that allows movement, so don't pick anything too formal or anything you'll be uncomfortable in.
Follow Up After your interviews, send a polite, gracious email to the parents to thank them for taking the time to meet with you. Keep it brief and tell them not to hesitate to contact you with any additional questions they may have.
ABOUT GENEVIEVE THIERS
Genevieve Thiers is the founder and CEO of Sittercity.com, the country's largest and most trusted online source for child care. Through Sittercity, she has been able to transform her vast child care experience into an award-winning company and the industry leader in online care. In addition to literally writing the book on child care, titled "Love at First Sit," Genevieve has also shared child care tips, tricks and trends with hundreds of audiences across the country, from those of the TODAY show to Babytalk Magazine
By Genevieve Thiers Founder and CEO of Sittercity.com
It's never easy leaving a nanny job and leaving behind a family you've come to truly care for. Complicating matters is the fact that you're also left without a job and without an income to support yourself as you've been doing – no doubt about it, the transition period is a tough one. As the founder of Sittercity.com, I've seen countless babysitters and nannies in transition and looking for work. To help nannies in transition find a new nanny job, I've put together some tips designed to give you an edge and get back in the game.
Get Connected
The only way to find a job is to put yourself out there. From frequent networking to online searches, connecting with people is going to help you a great deal in your job hunt.
• Reconnect with references. Not only will you need these references to vouch for you in the very near future, but they or someone they know may also be looking for a nanny while you're looking for a job. If not, they can still keep an eye out for you and pass along any job leads they come across.
• Post your profile on Sittercity.com. On Sittercity, a job is posted every 5 minutes. Head over there to create your detailed nanny profile so you can apply to those jobs and get in front of hundreds of thousands of parents looking for caregivers! Make sure your profile is as complete as possible (pictures, references, background check, etc.) so you'll rise to the top of parents' searches.
• Be a backup for friends. If you have friends who babysit, let them know that they can feel free to refer you to a family if they can't make it to a job and need a back-up caregiver. Focus on Standing Out In this economy, many nannies find that they're up against stiff competition when it comes to landing the best jobs with the best families. Now more than ever, it's so important to do everything you can to help yourself stand out in the crowd.
• Update your resume. Make sure your resume includes any additional experience you gained while on your last job (did you sit for multiples? Were you responsible for driving the children? Did you often cook meals or do housework?) as well as any new training or skills you may have acquired, such as CPR or first aid.
• Use your downtime wisely. While you're looking for a new job, use your downtime to get more safety training or to volunteer in a child care-related field. This will not only help keep your skills fresh, it can also help you network and connect to other potential jobs.
• Get a background check. Running a background check on yourself is simple (you can do right on Sittercity) and is a great way to show parents that you're professional, trustworthy and eager to find work.
• Learn the tricks of applying to jobs. Applying to a nannying job might sound simple, but you'd be surprised how many people overlook the little details that make a big difference!
Click here to read an article that fills you in on all the dos and don'ts of applying to a nanny job.
Put Together a Nanny Portfolio
Before you head out on any interviews, make sure you've put together a detailed nanny portfolio that you can give to parents to show them that you're organized and professional.
Here's what your portfolio should include:
• Updated resume, complete with your contact information
• List of references and their email/phone number
• Availability schedule
• Copies of certifications or diplomas you've earned
• Copy of clean background check
• Copy of your driving record, if you'll be driving the children
• Printed version of your online profile to help parents remember you
• Printed version of your online reviews, if you have them
• List of activities/games you like to play with children
Prep for Interviews Like a Pro
Whether or not it's been a while since you've been on an actual nanny interview, it's important to set some time aside to prepare yourself for the meeting.
• Review interview questions. In addition to reviewing the common questions you'll be asked on a nanny interview, you should also prepare your own list of interview questions to ask the parents. This shows that you're engaged, thoughtful and well-prepared to handle the position.
• Review your nanny portfolio.
Make sure you have several copies of each document in case some juice or coffee gets spilled on the originals, and double-check to make sure everything is up-to-date and spelled correctly.
• Dress for success.
Wear a clean, wrinkle-free outfit that is free of stains, tears or faded fabric. Since most parents use the interview period to introduce you to the children, you should wear something modest that allows movement, so don't pick anything too formal or anything you'll be uncomfortable in.
Follow Up After your interviews, send a polite, gracious email to the parents to thank them for taking the time to meet with you. Keep it brief and tell them not to hesitate to contact you with any additional questions they may have.
ABOUT GENEVIEVE THIERS
Genevieve Thiers is the founder and CEO of Sittercity.com, the country's largest and most trusted online source for child care. Through Sittercity, she has been able to transform her vast child care experience into an award-winning company and the industry leader in online care. In addition to literally writing the book on child care, titled "Love at First Sit," Genevieve has also shared child care tips, tricks and trends with hundreds of audiences across the country, from those of the TODAY show to Babytalk Magazine
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