You Love Them for a Lifetime

Today is August 5, 2017.

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, there are no clouds in the sky and there’s a gentle breeze blowing through the air. I’m sitting on the porch with my coffee thinking of all I have to be grateful for ….and then I feel it.  I feel his presence with me.
My mind goes back to another beautiful morning in June.
Terry was at the lake. I came back from my walk, looked at my phone and saw I had a text from my former boss, still my friend, Lisa. I texted her back and said I would call her in a few, she texted me back and said she couldn’t talk but she would call me soon. I texted her back ( don’t you love this age of technology?) and said I had a coaching call at 9 so I only had a small window of time.

I was so happy that morning. I had big plans for my day and I was ready  to conquer the world after getting in 4 laps around the subdivision .......and then the phone rang.
It was Terry. He said “Honey, I have some really bad news” Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next. His voice cracked and he could barely say the words “Casey was killed in a bike race this weekend”…………..and the world started to spin, and my heart started to race and everything started to close in. I couldn’t find words. I had to know more….and I had to be alone and quiet.
He went on ….”Lisa is on her way down to be with you because she doesn’t want you to be alone”
We hung up, I looked online at the paper and there was the story. I looked on Facebook and there were the postings on his page. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t imagine a world without Casey in it.
Casey (29) was my youngest charge in the first family that I nannied for. I was with him the first 6 years of his life and even after the job ended he was a ring bearer in my wedding and still a very important part of my life.Terry and I still saw him on a regular basis until he became a teenager.
 I hadn’t seen him in awhile  but we were Facebook friends and I kept in touch, we chatted a couple of times a year and I kept up with all his stories of cycling and his life with his soulmate Maria.
Molly was his sister and I usually never said just Molly, it was always Molly and Casey. They were as close as a brother and sister could be. Always rooting for each other, always supporting each other where ever they went, what ever they did.

I called Lisa and asked her not to come. I wanted to be alone. (I’m funny like that) I needed to process this loss. I spent my day looking at Facebook postings from all the people who loved and adored Casey.
He was so kind, he was such a gentlemen, he was always doing something for someone else, he was kind, he was patient, he was modest….he was so loved and he is so missed.
I went through pictures and thought about all the funny stories I had about him in my head and I cried a river of tears.
It’s been 6 weeks now and I still cry every day. It’s still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about every night. When you are a nanny, you love and care for someone else’s child.
You only have them for a season but you love them for a lifetime.
One of the things that I am most proud of in my career as a nanny is that I developed a course called Nanny Transitions where I help support and guide nannies through the pain of leaving a family.
Leaving Molly and Casey was why I developed this course. It was so painful to leave them after 8 years that I didn’t know how to deal with my grief. As I worked through it all I developed a workshop to help other nannies....it is my labor of love to my industry……but nothing ever prepared me for this.
Sometimes I struggle with my grief and I feel guilty about grieving or I feel like I don’t have the right to grieve….but my nanny’s heart tells me I do.
As a nanny, I have always tried to reach out and support and encourage nannies who are going through hard times but of all the thousands of nannies that I know, only one has reached out to me to see how I am, to see how I am doing and that makes this hurt even more.
I put a post on Facebook and lots of people posted and supported me. It gave me hope that I would have support through this, but a few days after this happened I posted on facebook about my hurting heart and even nannies who knew of my loss, asked me why I was sad. It was so painful that I deleted the post. It made the pain hurt, even more, to think that the only people I thought could understand my grief……………….didn’t.

So…I’m trying so hard here, to deal with the grief of losing this man who was not my son. I didn’t know him well as a man, but as a child, as a curly red-haired boy I knew him so well and loved him so much and you don’t just stop loving them when the job is over. There is no expiration date on love.

I’m grateful for my husband’s love and support through this time. He knows me so well and he sees how much I am hurting. He spends extra time with me and understands that his very independent wife can’t be alone right now.
I’m moving slowly through this grief and I know it will be here for a long time… I know it will change and shift and the day will come when I don’t wake up crying.
I also know that grief has its own timetable.
I don’t understand why Casey had to go but I will learn the lessons of his life. Casey was an Eagle Scout and he lived by the Scout Law. I will try to do the same. It is the best way to honor him.
I carry him with me now and sometimes in the quiet moments of a gentle breeze  I feel him with me and I know that he is at peace. I hope I always do.
Ride on Casey…..you are forever in my heart.
Caseys family has now formed a non-profit organization in his memory.
I hope you will visit and consider supporting https://www.belikecasey.org/

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Today I wanted to share with you a wise nanny/momma's advice for how to leave a nanny family.There is never an easy way but having a plan is a big help and having lots of resources available ensures that your transition will be as smooth as you can make it.Here is some great advice:

Breaking Up is Hard to Do by Kimberley Roberts Benakovich

Yesterday was my last day with my “nanny family” of 9 months.  It was so emotionally exhausting that I came home and slept for 12 straight hours. I’m sure I cried at least 20 times throughout the day, and probably would have cried even more if my 3 year old son (Simon) hadn’t been with me. It’s always hard to leave a nanny position, but it’s 1,000 times harder to leave a position that you LOVE.

As nannies, we sometimes talk about finding our “Unicorn Family”- a family that is so perfect, it’s hard to believe that they actually exist. The “L” Family was my Unicorn Family. Not only did they respect my career choice, but they respected my time and my “work space” as well. They NEVER came home late, and not once did I walk into a sink full of dishes from the night before, toys all over the floor, or piles of laundry stacked up for me to tackle. In fact, I didn’t even do Baby D’s laundry- my “mom boss” (MB) preferred to do it herself.  From day one, I was treated as a professional AND as part of the family, and there is no better feeling than that for a nanny!

to read the rest of this article, click  here

Glenda Propst reviews the book "All the Time in the World" by Caroline Angell

A few weeks ago I was asked if I would do a book review on a book called
“All the Time in the World” by Caroline Angell

I have never done a book review before but the book looked interesting so I said yes.
It took me a little less than a week to read the book but partially because I have been spending a lot of time with my mom who just moved into a skilled care facility so I don’t have a lot of time to read.

Sometimes when I am reading a book, if it doesn’t grab me from the beginning, I have a hard time making a commitment. I didn’t have a problem with that. It didn’t take me long to really connect with the main character Charlotte who was caring for two little boys named Matthew and George. It was obvious from the start that this writer truly understood the dynamics of a nanny’s role in the family. Only someone with this kind of insight could narrate the scene where the children are picked up and dropped off at pre-school and describe the scenario of the interaction between the stay at home mommies, the cardboard cut-out moms, the moms who treat the caregivers with little respect and the mix of nannies and au pairs. It’s a scene that plays out on a daily basis in pre-schools everywhere.
I know that Charlotte was a nanny who I could have been friends with. We could have been on a Facebook group for nannies together and we would have made a connection because she really understood the ins and outs of working with a family. She projected a professional image and understood her role within the family. She understood that working with a family requires a lot of give and take and that sometimes you have to do things that were not in your job description just because circumstances warrant it.
The reason this is so important is that this book is all about the relationship a nanny has with her employers, the interaction with the mom and the bond that can develop between a mom and a nanny and how a nanny’s role can change within the family with time and circumstances.
When I started reading this book, I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I knew how it was going to end but I was wrong and this book did not disappoint.
This is a book that will definitely appeal to nannies but I think it can appeal to a wider audience because it is a great storyline and Charlotte is a character that you will identify with and root for all the way to the end.
As I tried to write this review, I struggled a little with remembering that this is a not a nanny training manual that teaches the dos and don’ts of being a good nanny, it is a story that will touch the heart of any nanny or parent with a nanny.
I can always tell that I have read a great book when days after the last page has been read, my mind wanders back to the story and I find myself thinking…

” I wonder what Charlotte is doing now?”

There is really only one negative thing I have to say about this book, and I say it mostly because anyone who knows me, would know that I wouldn’t let it go without saying something.
Charlotte is truly a nanny in every sense of the word. She is educated, experienced, smart, and understands the dynamics of doing her job and doing it well. All through the book she refers to herself as a babysitter. I don’t think that calling herself a nanny would have made any kind of difference in the storyline but I think the things she did were over and above the call of duty for “just a babysitter”

This is a really good book. I am certain you will like it, and identify with so many things in it and I hope you will read it! I can’t really get into the nitty gritty of why I connected so much with this book without giving away the storyline but once you read it I think you will understand that this book covers a wide range of issues and emotions unique to those of us who love and care for other people’s children. I hope other people who read it will have new insight into the important work we all do….no matter what we consider our job title to be.
Glenda

I will be giving away a copy of the book on my Facebook page but if you are not on Facebook, you can email me at nannytransitions(at)gmail(dot)com and I will gladly put your name into the drawing for the book.

Touched by a Nanny: Nancy Kanouff

Touched by a Nanny named Nancy Kanouff

Submitted by Cheri Brown

I believe things happen for a reason. I bought something off a yard sale site that Nancy had posted , we were meant to meet. 
I had just left my nanny job of 4 years . It was a very stressful time. I had really only known a small handful of nannies and most of them were much younger than me. I can't even remember how the conversation came about but there we were both nannies and around the same age. 
She told me about her " Network" of close to 100 nannies(and growing) and asked me to join her Facebook group. 
What I didn't know was how many times I would lean on Nancy for support over the past couple years.  
Being a veteran nanny of 24 years I never knew what it could do to your day, your week, your job to have such an amazing support system. Thank you Nancy for your hard work, untold hours and dedication that you give the nanny community on a daily basis. You have truly made a difference in my life and the lives of many others.

Touched by a Nanny named Becky Kavanagh

Submitted by Karen Yatsko

One of the very first nannies I ever met was Becky Kavanagh and I was very lucky! She took me under her lovely feathered wing and kept an eye on me my very first nanny conference.  I will never forget her compassion, laughter and friendliness to a newcomer.  Since then our friendship has been a constant source of fun!  You cannot mention Becky’s name and not think of the word fun!  Attending one of her presentations at an INA Conference, I have the fondest memory of her asking everyone to remove their shoes and have fun!!  I was always sitting in the front row whenever Becky presented something as you might be singing and dancing barefoot.

One year I had the pleasure of going to visit Becky on her home turf and stay at her employer’s house.  I fondly remember meeting some of the children and got to peer inside Becky’s world as a nanny.  She really is a smooth and constant beacon of love - from the ups and downs of helping raise many children through her employers divorce, Becky had my admiration.  I never once heard Becky complain or have a bad day - her positivity had such an impact on me!  To this day, I try to always be positive because of her!! 

I also had many INA adventures with Becky!  We traveled to the NAEYC one year in Toronto to give a presentation on “Nannies as a Career Choice” representing the INA.  One Conference, Becky brought her sister and she fit right in with the nanny crowd!   Becky and I were both were nominated for Parent’s Magazine Caregiver of the Year Award, which Becky won!!  We both have served on the Board of the INA, and I remember Becky’s calm demeanor at many discussions and her personable tact with people.

We may be old friends, but I will never be tired of her smile and genuine love for nannies!

Taking Inventory During Times of Transition

I would like to thank Michelle LaRowe for contributing this helpful article.
It is great advice on preparing yourself for the next step going forward.

Taking Inventory During Times of Transition
by Michelle LaRowe

Whether your nanny job has a hard end date or you sense that the end of your position is coming near, you’re heading for a time of transition. But before you take the next step in your nanny journey, stop to take inventory so that you don’t forget to look forward as you’re focusing on your soon to be past.

Are You Ready to Move On?

If you’ve been in the same job for a number of years, chances are you have a strong emotional commitment and sense of loyalty to the family you’ve worked for. You may feel a variety of strong, conflicting emotions about the job ending and may be emotionally and physically drained if the job was particularly intense. Oftentimes nannies are more concerned with the well-being of the family than of themselves and as a result will put the families’ needs first when it comes to navigating their departure.  It’s no wonder that once a nanny job has finally ended, nannies often walkway feel completely exhausted and burned out.

Before committing to your next position, it’s essential that you access your readiness. Ask yourself if you’re ready to give your physical and emotional best to your next family. If you’re not, take some time for you. Picking up temporary and short-term assignments can be a great way to ensure you get an emotional break while still bringing in an income.  Doing so can also serve as career insurance,  ensuring that you keep your reputation and references intact - as it can be quite common for a nanny coming out of a long-term position to go through a string of jobs, some which may end badly,  before finding her next right match. 

Are Your Expectations Realistic?

If you’ve been off the job market for a while, you want to get in touch with current nanny industry trends and industry standards in the area you are looking to work.  The wages and benefits package you had at your last position don’t necessarily transfer to your next one. The way you communicated with your past employer won’t necessarily translate to your new one.  While you may approach the job and your new employers the same, the way they interpret you and your approach may be quite different.

When starting your new job search consider what is negotiable to you and what isn’t. Know what your bottom line is when it comes to pay and benefits and consider carefully what duties and responsibilities you are willing to take on. Be prepared to justify why you are worth your required wages and why you will be picky about the job you accept, rather than expecting to have the perfect job at the perfect pay handed to you on a silver platter. Remember, the agency or parents you are working with won’t know your job expectations unless you tell them. If you don’t sell yourself to them during your search, they won’t know what they have the opportunity to buy. 

Are You Easy to Work With?

After the first few nanny jobs, most nannies know what types of families they work best with and what types of jobs they are best suited for. Because they’ve been through a job search before and have high expectations for their next position, if not careful, their confidence can be portrayed as arrogance.  Consider when you go to a new doctor for an exam. The doctor has done hundreds of exams on new patients, but for you, this is your first experience with this doctor. How would it make you feel if the doctor rushed through the exam with an all business approach, expected you to take his word on everything without evidence, and showed no care as to how you perceived the examination process to go. Be careful not to be perceived as that doctor. Even when an agency representative knows you personally from nanny organizations or networking, she still needs to put you through their process to ensure you the highest level of representation.  Nannies who expect exceptions make it incredibly difficult for placement specialists to represent them successfully. And for many parents hiring a nanny, it’s their first time interfacing with potential nannies.  A nanny who comes across as arrogant or entitled will be a huge turnoff.

As you prepare for your job search, put yourself in the shoes of parents and nanny placement specialists. Consider how your attitude may be portrayed by them. Ask yourself if you’re prepared to consider the needs of parents and agency representatives as they put you through the screening process. Are you giving off the impression you think you are?

Transitions can be hard, but you can set yourself up for success in your next position by taking inventory of your readiness. Once you are truly ready to commit to your job search and next job, that is when you will have the greatest success.

Michelle LaRowe is the 2004 INA Nanny of the Year and executive director of Morningside Nannies, a Houston, TX based award- winning nanny placement agency.

Touched by a Nanny named Gael Ann Dow

Touched By a Nanny: The Wonderful Gael Ann Dow

Submitted by Becky Kavanagh

When Glenda first started this series I was eager to write about the wonderful Gael Ann Dow. For some reason I was having a hard time coming up with the right words to describe the person who is Gael Ann. Her unassuming nature belies the many facets hid within. She’s certainly a kindred spirit when it comes to her philosophy around children – providing rich activities and experiences while allowing them to discover and learn at their own pace. She’s absolutely brilliant with children. It’s just a fact.

Naturally creative with an artistic flare, Gael Ann brings so much to the children in her care. To those who know her she is warm, caring and tender-hearted. While she doesn’t seek attention, she’s happy to volunteer to serve or help when asked.  

Her quiet, self-contained demeanor may be the reason that Gael Ann is a great listener.  I’ve never known her to offer advice unless requested to do so. When she shares, listen carefully because it will be filled with wisdom that comes from an innate understanding of children, families and years of experience. She is the consummate professional nanny who goes above and beyond – a true model for others.

I have been fortunate to know Gael Ann for many years and keep learning new things about her all the time. What a wonderful nanny, mentor and friend!