Happy Birthday Harriette!

Today would have been Harriette's 67th Birthday.Maybe you are thinking " So...I didn't know her why are you telling me?........but what Harriette did in her life, impacted all of us.I made a promise to Harriette before she died that I would never let her be forgotten. As time goes by and more and more I realize how much I miss her and how important she was to me, I also realize that I probably would have done that even if she hadn't asked me to.
So for those of you who did not know her, here is her story, and why it matters.
Harriette Grant passed away on June 30, 2002. She had been a nanny for 40 years. You can read her story in the book Like a Second Mother but here is my tribute to her life and her enormous contribution to nannies everywhere.
The following article about Harriette Grant first appeared in the NAN Newsletter in June of 2001. In November of 2001, Harriette was diagnosed with Leukemia and she passed away on June 30, 2002.
A nanny for the ages by Glenda Willm Propst
These are some newspaper headlines from 1961:U.S. Breaks Off Diplomatic Relations With Cuba;John F. Kennedy Inaugurated as President of the U.S. Peace Corps Established by Kennedy;UN General Assembly Condemns Apartheid;‘Freedom Riders’Attacked by White Citizens in Anniston and Birmingham; Bay of Pigs Invasion; Kennedy and Khrushchev Meet in Vienna to Discuss Disarmament; Berlin Wall Constructed; Actor Gary Cooper Dies at Age 60.
These are some popular books from 1961:Stranger In A Strange Land, by Robert Heinlein;Catch-22, by Joseph Heller; andTropic of Cancer, by Henry Miller (the first legal publication in the U.S.).
Some of the popular movies that year were:"West Side Story,""The Hustler," and "Judgment at Nuremberg."And among the most popular songs were:"Love makes the World Go Round,""Moon River,""Where the Boys Are," and "Exodus."How many of you remember any of these events and cultural markers? How many of you were even born in 1961?Well, even if we are among those who were not yet born in 1961, there was an event that in some way affected all our lives that year. This event did not make the headlines, but it changed our lives all the same.
In July, 1961,Harriette Grant began her career as a nanny. At that time there were no newspaper articles about nanny salaries or benefits there were no formal nanny training programs in the United States, there were no nanny support groups, and there were no nanny organizations.Harriette was just 19 when she started taking care of Sylvia Whitman. In the book "Like a Second Mother," Sylvia writes about a very different Harriette from the person we know. Sylvia's "Rat," as she affectionately called her, changed her hair color every week, and their house was the best patrolled in the neighborhood because all the policemen had a crush on Harriette.Harriette was with the Whitman family for nine years, and she maintains a close relationship with Sylvia Whitman, who is now all grown up with a family of her own.In 1970 Harriette moved to Washington, DC, to care for the Brown children, with whom she stayed for 20 years. Even after the children were teenagers, Harriette remained and helped the Browns part time (she took a second part time job with another family in the neighborhood). Harriette was there when one of the Brown children graduated from Princeton University, and when her other "child" graduated from High School. While she was in DC, Harriette began to get serious about solving the problems surrounding the lack of support nannies had.Harriette Grant was one of the founders of the very first nanny support group in the USA. It was called ADCAN - the Association of DC Area Nannies. The group still runs strong today, and prides itself on being the oldest nanny support group in the nation. If you have ever tried to start or run a support group, you will understand what an accomplishment that is.Harriette was also a founding member of International Nanny Association, served on its board of directors, and was the INA's first Nanny of the Year in 1990.She co founded NAN with Glenda Willm Propst and Eva Harkness in 1992.When Harriette moved to New York City in 1999, she became one of the founders of the Professional Nannies of New York.I first met Harriette Grant at the INA conference in Vail, Colorado, in 1988. We were going to be serving on the INA Board together. It did not take long for us to realize that we had the same concerns, the same vision, and the same passion for the nanny profession. After the conference, we burned up the phone lines on a regular basis.We became very good friends, and in 1992, along with Eva Harkness, we founded the National Association of Nannies.
In 1997, when Harriette asked me to run with her for Co-President of NAN, one of my greatest concerns was that it might hurt our friendship. We promised each other not to let that happen. I think we would both admit that at times it was a struggle, but we served as Co-Presidents for four years, and were still on speaking terms. We did not always agree, but we always respected each other and we have always tried to make what was best for NAN our top priority.
NAN benefited from her vision, her professionalism, her steadfastness, her wisdom, and her commitment to the Nanny profession.It's a little overwhelming to think of all the things that have happened in the last 40 years, and of how far the nanny profession has come. I think of all the changes Harriette saw and of all the nannies she encountered on her journey.When I think of Harriette Grant, I think of the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson:
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail."
Harriette led the way where there was no path. She blazed a trail for 40 years, .As her torch is passed, we can all learn a valuable lesson from her life, her example, and her dedication to her career.
It is up to each of us to continue the work that Harriette started. We are pioneers of the nanny profession, and it is our job to continue to blaze the trail.
Harriette, you have been our friend, our leader, and our inspiration. We will never forget you and we will work hard to continue your legacy.You leave us with many wonderful memories but a hole in our heart that only you could fill.
Rest in peace dear friend.I miss you every single day.
Glenda

INA Membership Contest Recipient

Over the past two weeks, Alice and myself, have given nannies the opportunity to win an INA membership for the upcoming year. It is valued at $95. We tallied the entries from the 31 nannies who entered and used random.org to draw the number. The winner is:

Number 18

belonging to

Mallette

from Minnesota!

Congratulations on receiving the INA membership from Creative Nanny, Nanny Adventures, Nanny Transitions & The Financial Nanny.

Thank you everyone who shared with others and entered our contest.

Please consider joining INA.

The INA Contest

The INA Contest has ended.
The winner of the INA Membership will be announced tomorrow probably in the afternoon because Alice and I both have things going on tomorrow.
Thank you to all who participated.
Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts, ideas and suggestions with me.

I hope that as the INA promotion comes to a close you will all work toward getting some more entries. I wish I could give a membership to every person who entered because I do believe that INA has played an integral part of who I have become as a nanny and I would like for every nanny to experience that personally.
I was a founding member of INA. I served on it's board for 5 years, was the second Nanny of the Year and I believe that if I had not found my roots in INA, we could have never had the courage or the connections that gave NAN (The National Association of Nannies) it's wings.
Being a nanny can be an isolating job. Becoming a part of a national or international organization that is working to improve the profession connects you to a bigger part of our industry. (Yes Myrna...I did call it an industry) It connects the nannies and the agencies and tax companies, and other businesses related to what we do and it gives us all a stronger voice.There is great strength in numbers.
The internet has changed the industry a lot, it has connected nannies in a stronger way, it has given nannies an avenue to share their voice, and it has brought nannies together in international online discussion and support groups. These are all wonderful things but they are free.
Investing in a membership in an organization that is working for you every single day might seem like a lot for some nannies, they might think that they can get the same thing for free online, but you really can't.
Even when NAN was in operation, I was on 22 different online nanny groups and I actively participated in them, but the women that I worked with in NAN were my "true north" when I needed support, advice and direction.
I hope you win the membership but if you don't, I hope you will consider investing something in your career and investing something in an organization that is trying to make the profession better for all of us.

Dealing with the stages of Grief

Don't forget to enter to win the INA Membership

Dealing with the stages of Grief

Often times when nannies see the writing on the wall, they go into the first stage of grief.
1. The first stage of grief is denial.
If I pretend this is not happening it won’t be, and I won’t have to figure out what to do or how to find a new job or most importantly, how to leave these children that I love so much.
2.Then comes Anger
“After all I have done for this family I can’t believe that they treat me like this!
Then comes
3.Bargaining
If I can just focus on the children it will be ok.
Then you move on:
You either realize that loving the children is not enough and that you have no choice but to move on, or the parents let you go and the decision is beyond your control.This is the time that you find yourself sinking into that dark hole of sadness and pain.
4. Depression
You know that you have to make important decisions but you just can’t find the energy. It is hard to get from one minute to the next and impossible to think of your life in terms of tomorrow, much less the future. This is also the time when you might say to yourself, I will never be a nanny again, this is just too painful.
5.Acceptance
Eventually you are forced to accept that the job is ending and you need to decide what to do next.
Sometimes, even when a job ends, it is still hard to move on to the stage of acceptance. Sometimes not being able to accept that loss contributes to not being happy or successful in our next position.
Change is always difficult and it is always an adjustment when you change jobs. Oftentimes, when nannies change jobs, if they are a live in nanny, they also change their place to live.
It is also harder for a nanny because unlike a job where you work in a factory, or sit at a desk all day our job elicits emotions of love,compassion caring and tenderness.
How do you just turn those feelings off when the job ends?
So when we leave a job, we also have to deal with an end or a change to a relationship.
It’s easy to say that this is a part of our job and that saying goodbye goes with the territory. It’s easy to say that we “just have to be professional” about it. It’s easy to say “ You just focus on the positive and move on”
It just is not “EASY” to do.
When you are going through the process of grieving, it is important to have a good support system in place to help you stay focused and help you deal with your emotions.
Grieving is a process that you have to work through in your own time on your own schedule.
Let yourself feel, let yourself hurt, let yourself cry, and then most importantly
Let yourself heal.
When we have to say goodbye, for whatever reason, we often feel betrayed by the parents who entrusted us to love and care for their children.
It is hard to be rational with a broken heart but it is very important to accept what you can not change and look to your future.

In Merle Shain’s book “Hearts that We Broke Long Ago” she said:
“ People do not usually set out to hurt you, but sometimes you get in the way of what they want or what they need."

If you stop and think about that statement, there is a lot of truth to it.
When that family hired you, they did not say, let’s hire a nanny, keep her until she gets attached to the children, and then let her go.
It is just a natural process of our job.
Sometimes when a job is ending, the parents feel emotional too. If the nanny makes the choice to leave, the parents might feel rejected, and wonder “What did we do to make her want to leave us?”
At a time when they might want to say “We don’t’ know how we can live without you, their actions might say “We couldn’t care less that you are leaving”
Sometimes it is hard for parents to admit what an important part of your life they are, and if the parents are letting the nanny go they might try to send the message that they will be just fine without her.
Never forget that your first priority is support the children through this transition. This is quite possibly one of the most important lessons you will teach the children in your care, and it is crucial that we set an example that they can follow.
It also helps to focus on the good times you have had with this family and the happy memories you will take with you.
At a time when it is easier to see the negative, try to remember the great experiences you had, the opportunities you were offered and what you learned from the time you spent there.
We usually learn more from the hard times in our lives than we do from the happy times.
If a position is ending badly, and you wish that you could pour your heart out to the family, you might try just writing a letter to get your feelings out on paper. You don’t have to mail it but just writing your thoughts down might be helpful in processing all the emotion you are feeling.
When you allow yourself to forgive, you can move forward but until you can forgive (Whether it is for treating you badly, or letting you go, or keeping you from their children) you can never truly move forward and you can never truly begin to heal.
If you choose to hold on to the wrong that was done to you, you choose to drag a heavy load around with you and it will weigh you down and hold you back. It will also keep you in the pain.
Dealing with the pain is not something that is going to go away in a week or month or even years. .
Children grow up in spite of us, whether we are there, or not. I sometimes find myself looking at old pictures or videos of my charges when they were little I truly miss them being at those stages of their life but I also enjoy seeing them grow up and learn and know that I have had a part of all of that.
If you are leaving a family on good terms it is important for you to talk about how you are going to deal with telling the children.
Who is going to tell them, what they will be told and whether or not you will be a part of that.
The nanny should never tell a child she is leaving without the parents ok, and she should never tell the child that the parents are making her leave or firing her.
Even though you might be hurt or angry, you should always take the high road as you transition to the final days in this position.
You will never be sorry you took the high road, but you may regret it if you take the low road.
In the book "How to Survive the Loss of Love" they talk about the stages of recovery taking place in three distinct, yet overlapping stages.
They are :
shock/denial/numbness
fear/anger/depression
understanding/acceptance/moving on
Each stage of recovery is
necessary
natural
a part of the healing process

Having said all of that, sometimes, the pain is more than we can bear alone.
If you think you need help, don't hesitate. Get it at once.
If you are feeling suicidal--or even think you might be feeling suicidal--call a Suicide Prevention Hotline at once.
You should also seek help at once if you:
feel you are "coming apart"
are no longer in control
are about to take an action you may later regret
have a history of emotional disturbance
turn to alcohol, drugs or other addictive substances in time of need
feel isolated with no one to turn to
repeatedly find yourself in loss situations
Sometimes, we all need a little bit of extra help to get through a really difficult time. It is nothing to be embarrassed about.

INA Membership Giveaway: Joint Promotion with Nanny Adventures

Since returning from the INA Conference in Dallas 3 weeks ago, my good friend Alice and I have been brainstorming about how to get the message out to nannies that we can't simply sit around lamenting about the lack of respect our profession gets. We have to be actively working to improve the image of the nanny profession and one of the most important ways to do that is to be actively involved in a professional nanny organization.

We both knew and loved the late Harriette Grant. Harriette was a Co Founder of the first and longest running support group in the United States. Association of DC Area Nannies (ADCAN). She was a founding member of INA, a board member of INA and the first INA Nanny of the Year in 1990 We will be posting her story on her June 3rd Birthday and in honor of her upcoming birthday Alice and I decided we would work in conjunction to give away an INA Membership on our blogs.

Alice has 2 blogs. Her first blog is http://www.nannyadventures.com/. This is a blog about her adventures as a nanny, helpful tools for parents and nannies as well as other items of interest.
She was also inspired by Dr. Lynne Kenney at the INA Conference to brand herself. She is launching her new blog, The Financial Nanny that is focused on helping nannies (and others) save money and invest wisely with the start of this contest.

My first blog is about nannies in transitition and how to deal with the emotions of leaving a nanny positions and other changes that happen when you stay with a family for a few years. It is called Nanny Transitions. My second blog is just for fun and it highlights my creative side as The Creative Nanny.

Starting on Friday, May 15 and running through Monday June 1, we will offer you the opportunity to win a one year INA Nanny membership (Valued at $95) If you are already an INA member we will pay your membership for the following year.

You can gain entries by doing any or all of the following.

1. Sign up to follow either blog. (Each blog counts for 1 entry so if you sign up for all 4 you will get 4 entries). Please leave a comment at each blog stating that you signed up to follow or already do.
http://www.nannytransitions.com/
http://www.creativenanny.blogspot.com/
http://www.nannyadventures.com/
http://www.thefinancialnanny.com/



2. Talk about this give away and post a link to our blogs on your blog, post about it to a yahoogroup, or post about it on a message board like Nannynetwork, or Nannyisland
Twitter it, or put it on Facebook.

Send us a copy or a link and each one will count as an entry.
Send it to nannytransitions@aol.com (put INA Giveaway in subject)

3. In addition to that you will get double entries for posting on any of our blogs :

a. Why you want to be a member of a professional organization, or
b. What it means to you to be a member of a professional nanny group


The winner will be chosen from random.org and announced on all four blogs on Tuesday June 2, 2009. Good luck!

For more information on the INA please visit their website, their blog, their facebook fan page or twitter.

Working Together to Prepare the Children

In a perfect world a parent and a nanny can sit down and talk about the upcoming transition and plan for it together.
Realistically, this is not always possible.
If the new person is starting, or your new job needs you sooner or the money for the parents to keep you there is just not available it creates a stressful work environment.
Even when the nanny and the parents are trying to work together to make it a good parting, it often ends badly.

If the nanny chooses to leave:
sometimes the parents can feel hurt or betrayed,
If the parent decides to end the relationship:
sometimes the nanny can feel hurt or betrayed,
but no matter who chooses to end the relationship, it is always highly emotional and difficult especially for the nanny and the child who form very close bonds.
This is a time when emotions are running very high. One of the things that nannies yearn for at this point in the transition is validation that they have done a great job. At a time when the nanny wants the parents to say "You are so wonderful, how will we ever live without you?" the parents actions are saying "We are going to be just fine without you here."
It is very important to remember that this is not the time you are going to be validated for a job well done.
First of all, you aren't gone yet....how can they miss you?
Secondly, if you look at this situation from the parents perspective, their goal at this point in time is to send their children a very strong message that "it's all going to be ok" Most of us work for very strong, very intelligent, successful families and at this point in time, they want their children to know above all else, it will all be fine.
Even though this may feel insulting to you at the time, you have to remember, these are not your children and their parents will be caring for them long after you are gone and it is still our responsibility to set the example for them, and to help them believe that it will be ok. Remember that you are a professional and that teaching these children how to say goodbye, is one of the most important life lessons they will learn.

Since emotions are running rampant at this point, the best thing that all of you can do is focus on the children and helping them get through this situation.
I have created a tip sheet using information that I have gleaned over the years from other nannies on how to prepare the children.
How do you prepare the children?

First and foremost, the nanny and the parents need to discuss who will tell the children, when they will be told and whether or not the nanny will be present. They should also discuss what they will tell the children so that they present a unified front.

Here are ways that you can prepare the children that will also help you prepare yourself.

1. Educate children from the day you begin caring for them, so that they understand that you will always love them and they will always be in your heart, but you will not always be there on a daily basis.
2. It is important that they understand that you are there to do a job and when you leave, it is not because of anything that they did wrong.
3. Make sure that if you are still going to be able to see them, that they know that.
4. If you will still be having visits with them, it is a good idea to set up a future visit and mark it on the calendar so they understand that they will see you again.
5. If you are moving away, leave them your picture, your new phone number, your email address and a way to get in touch with you.
6. Give them certificates that recognize how much they have grown and what they have learned.
7. Make a picture album together
8. Transition with the new nanny if at all possible.
9. Make friends with the new nanny.
10. Speak positively about the new nanny.
You can say things like “You and ----- are going to have so much fun together. Did you know that she can …………..
11. If you accept the new nanny, it gives your child permission to accept them too.
12. Never promise to stay forever
13. When they are old enough to understand, talk about past charges...Like, "When I was E---'s Nanny we used to………..."
14. If your current charges see you keeping in touch with your past charges you can use that to teach them that at some point you will be needed to help another family just as you moved on to help them.
15. Adopt a natural circle of life philosophy.
16. Point out when their friends change nannies.
17. Always remind them that they will have their parents to care for them.
18. Don't lie to them.
19. Make sure that they know it is nothing they have done.
20. If the children are old enough, share with them when you go on an interview,and tell them about the kids you met and what they thought and if they had things in common. This makes them feel like more of the transition process.
21. Talk in a positive way about the good things that are to come. How you can come and visit them.
22. If mom will now be at home, try to help them see how much fun that will be.
23. Set up emails and I show them how to email you and remind them that you can 'talk' all the time via email and they can call and write.
24. If there are special traditions they want to carry on, try to do that for them.
25. One nanny said that her charge was going to miss her Rice Krispie Treats - so she taught her how to make them her “special way”
26. Make an extra effort to remember their birthdays and Holidays
27. Have a special picture made together
28. Talk about the great memories

Remember that you are the adult in this situation and always take the high road.

Gentle Transitions ©Glenda Propst 5/10/2009